Sep '13 - One year post discharge, Seeing my bedroom and a trip to Cadbury world...

So today - September 27th 2013 is one year since I was discharged from hospital. I explained how hard that was in this earlier post I was still naive then I thought as soon as I got home it would all be over, but really emotionally the worst was yet to come. I didn't come home in a sense, I came back to my house where I had a new room downstairs, no real toilet, I didn't wear my old clothes, I didn't look like myself, think like myself or do anything I used to do.
A year on from that date - I still use a wheelchair, I'm still having operations, I have therapy/councelling most weeks, I have physiotherapy every week, I can't leave the house alone, I still have a compression garment, I massage my scars several times a day, I'm still in pain, I have a variety of hospital appointments and my femur/thigh still hasn't grown back.

On a lighter note I went to Cadbury world last week! I haven't been in like 10 years (maybe because I'm supposed to be 20) so I was pretty excited, me and Naomi were planning to go but thought it more acceptable if we take her niece and nephew...So it ended up us two, Flynn, Lauren and Lauren's mum Helen. I have to say it was a pretty good day, I can't remember what you used to get but we got 3 bars of chocolate, a shot of melted chocolate and a cup of our choice of sweets covered in melted chocolate from a place called essence. The kids seemed to really enjoy it and the outdoor play area was massive! My ticket price was reduced because I use a wheelchair but I'd recommend it to everyone, especially if you need to entertain children for the day!

I also went in my actual bedroom for the first time since I left it the morning of 'crash day'. Something I'm not ashamed to say I've been dreading, for the first 9 months I couldn't go upstairs at all and since then I've been gradually getting up more and more but still sleep downstairs. My therapist helped me put a plan together for going in and I suppose it wasn't as bad as I thought. It was really hard seeing all my old clothes and  magazines dated the week of the accident. I went shopping with Beckie the week of the accident and there are year old clothes in there I've never had the chance to wear. The clothes I wore that day aren't there because they had to be cut off my mangled body. Probably worst of all my diary still open on that week with 'safari park with Joss!' written in it. It is like looking at someone else's stuff and it's almost like grieving for the 'old Georgia' because I feel so far away from that. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I thought it would all sink in when I went in there but it didn't. My therapist say's I completely disassociate from it and can easily talk about the crash as if I'm reading a script which I suppose isn't good because it really really doesn't feel real. Probably partly because I literally woke up from a coma and had to believe what I was being told with no recollection of it happening! 

My mess of a wardrobe

Quite different from my beige downstairs room

Completely unaware of what was going to happen

Year old clothes still waiting to be worn

I think I'll follow this post with one purely on my physical updates so it doesn't all get mushed together and is easier to find if anyone does happen to stumble across this blog! If you do read this blog and you don't really know me please feel free to comment and say 'Hi' I love hearing from people who have found this little blog xxx
DRIVE SAFE, George 

June/July '13 - Everyone's leaving, Pub's, Parking and Nasal reconstruction...

    On the 6th June I had another trauma/orthopedics/bone review. Nothing much to report from this one, had my Xrays and my left leg is still making steady progress after being stubborn and refusing to grow back at all for 5 months!

    At the beginning of June I was preparing for 5 days without my main man Joss! He was jetting off to Amsterdam for two of his friends 21st birthdays. I'm not going to lie I was extremely jealous and especially annoyed at the driver who caused all this and meant I couldn't go! I was apprehensive as the longest I haven't seen him for since the crash is two days, for company if nothing else - I get so lonely! It also happened to coincide with my parents going to the Lake district with my grandparents for a week so I was 'fending for myself' (my 17 year old brother was here too) for the first time in 10 months. But it went fine, I missed him but I managed not to cause myself any more injuries which is a plus!

My main man in Amsterdam!

      On the 22nd June I saw the upstairs in Joss's house for the first time in 10 months! Which meant I also saw his little Gecko 'Shisha' too! I took my crutches to his house so I could get upstairs using the same method as at home. 

An old photo of Shisha having a bath!

And one of his bearded dragon so he doesn't feel left out!

     For the last 10 months (minus time in hospital) I have been having to ask at bars and reception areas for the key to places disabled toilet. Not all of them have keys but a lot do and I didn't have my own! But I finally got one and so decided (now I don't have to ask to use the loo!) to venture to the pub on a Friday night for the first time since the crash on the 28th June. It didn't go as well as planned, it was really overwhelming being in such a busy pub and I felt really self conscious. Partly due to the wheelchair and partly due to my hair and general appearance I felt like I looked so different to the last time I was in there. It also didn't help that I still couldn't go to the loo alone because the door is SO heavy I wouldn't be able to get out. Why would you make a disabled toilet door the weight of an elephant?! And I didn't feel I could drink too much partly for fear of hurting my poor liver that has had enough of a rough year being burst! and because I felt too vulnerable in my chair. Anyway I shed a lot of tears on the way back to Joss's (my house is too far from town) but hopefully it will only get easier, now I've done the first time.

My new toilet key!

     On the 12th July I had my first operation since leaving hospital. One of my injuries was my nose, most obviously the left nostril was pretty much torn off (I've been told that it looked like a skeleton face where there's just a hole instead of a nose, which is hard to hear) luckily that was one of the first things addressed at hospital and was stitched back on before I was even found a bed in Intensive Care. THANK YOU whoever did that for me. Clearly my nose took a lot of force and this meant that my septum (the inside partition in the centre of your nose) was bent out of shape meaning I couldn't breathe from the left side. So on the 12th July that was finally reconstructed! It was really emotional being back in a gown in a bed being wheeled down by the nurse and it brought back so much. The worst part was coming round afterwards (I explained Here that I pulled myself out of a coma in ITU at 3am not knowing where I was unable to move which was the worst time of my life and I still have nightmares about it) I woke up after the operation while they were removing the tube from my throat which sent me straight back to that and in my sedated state I really freaked out. Once I was back on the ward I was ok though, my nose really hurt and I felt groggy but after 5 hours I was allowed to go home. I had packing in my nose and swelling so I couldn't breathe through my nose at all which as I happened to get it done during a heat wave was not great! I ended up sleeping sat up with a straw in my mouth so I didn't shut my mouth and wake myself up! And I couldn't taste a thing for almost two weeks which was not good! I also had to wear a really attractive bandage under my nose for 10 days to catch blood and protect against infection. Luckily it was all done internally so they made no incisions on the outside and my stitches will stay in about 6 weeks and then come out by themselves! Watch this space to see if the operation worked!  

Probably the worst photo ever taken of me - back on the ward

Other events of note in June/July...

• I started Yoga at home with an amazing instructor, lot's of sitting on a ball and breathing!
• I started psychotherapy/Counselling at a private practice thanks to my occupational health team.
• I dyed my hair for the first time since the crash and although it was distressing having half the amount of hair I felt better after it.
• Me and Joss had joint therapy sessions.
• I got MAD at the council after they rejected our appeal against a disabled parking charge (this will get it's very own post soon!)
• Joss's sister/one of my best friends Rhianna left for 6 weeks to go on a trip to central America :(
• The UK had a heatwave, like an actual heatwave with actual heat!

Picnic in the park with Naomi, Beckie and Ella!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

JAN '13 - New years eve, STANDING UP!!!!, Loose women and a Wig...

  So I thought I would write about New Years Eve in January not December (living life on the edge!).  New Year was always going to be difficult, as a 20 year old woman generally you want to dress up, dance and essentially get very very drunk. I couldn't do that this year. Very kindly Joss's family offered to have a party at there house so that I could celebrate with my friends at least and it was good and hopefully everyone had a great time. It's just that nothing is simple anymore, in order to go to their house and stay over night I had to bring my ramps to get through the front door and the commode chair to put over their downstairs toilet (thank God they have a downstairs toilet!), which involved taking the ramps from the front door and using them from the step in the kitchen into the utility area. Once in there Joss had to move the ramps to wheel me out of the sink room and down the 'corridor' to the toilet room and help me onto the commode chair and then wheel that over the toilet and vise versa to get back to the kitchen. This meant no-one else could use the downstairs toilet and every time I went everyone had to move out of the kitchen drawing loads of attention to it. I also tried to dress a bit nicer which resulted in me breaking down. I lost a LOT of weight in hospital but after coming out I started to gain it back, however I can't do any exercise at all so I could eat half of what I ate before the crash and still gain weight. I've also lost a massive amount of muscle in my legs meaning they aren't the same shape at all as before. And let's not even delve too deep into the fact I only have half my hair left. Let's just say I felt absolutely hideous and I have never had this little confidence in my whole life. I got to spend the night with Joss though for the first time in nearly 5 months as they had set up the front room with a bed which was worth it.

   On the 3rd January I had another trauma/orthopedic/bone review. I had the usual long wait and xrays and then another long wait before seeing a doctor for a talk through the xrays. You could still see all the black lines in my pelvis where the breaks are/were but it was FINALLY knitting back together. My left thigh is held together with a big metal plate and screws (A 9 hour operation I had while still in a coma). They had to remove a large section of bone so there is a big gap between the two ends of bone but after 5 months it was showing signs of growth. And so almost 5 months on I was told I was allowed to start weight-bearing in physiotherapy. I think I was in shock really, at first I was told 12 weeks no weight-bearing and I'd been to 3 reviews hoping for good news and leaving with nothing since coming out of hospital. And yet I wasn't even that happy...I don't know why I think it was just fear really. I didn't know what this meant would I be able to just get up and walk?
Luckily the same day I had psychotherapy and physiotherapy appointments as well. (Another full day spent at the QE) In psychotherapy I was told I probably have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I'll talk more about that in another post I think.
And in Physiotherapy I STOOD UP. I was scared. I was excited. I was sad. It was unbelievably hard and it hurt. But I did it, put my feet on the floor and was upright for the first time since I stood next to Joss's bike and climbed on behind him for the short trip home that ended in complete horror. My mom cried, Joss cried and had to leave the room, but here it is ....   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDmhIcdtjow   



On the 9th January I went to watch Loose Women Live... Yes I know very random! In December I checked my email for things from the solicitors and other less fun things and found one telling me I had two tickets to be in the audience of Loose Women. I had completely forgotten applying for tickets I think I did it while in hospital! So on the 9th January me and my mom got up very early for the long journey to London! Now as usual this was so hassle free trip it involved driving to Birmingham, waiting in an office for someone to escort us to the train to put out ramps, once in London we had to wait for the person to remember I was stuck on the train and come with the ramps to get us off. We couldn't get the tube because our stops didn't have wheelchair access, so we wandered around trying to find the right bus, regularly finding ourselves staring at steps and having to go a long way round! Eventually we made it to the studios and were allowed to skip the waiting outside thanks to the wheelchair (Its got to have some perks!). All of the seats were up steps so I had to 'park' by the camera men and women which was pretty cool. It was good it's weird seeing famous people or people 'from the telly' in real life. Sadly we didn't have any time to look around London as we had to make the long journey back but it was most certainly a good day out!

Disabled ramps for the train

     I think I've mentioned enough times in this blog that I had to have half of my long hair shaved off in this accident. Firstly the plait had to be cut off as it was trapped in the car, and then most of the rest of the right side of my scalp was shaved off due to my head injury. I've spent the last months wearing hats, head scarves and stuff to cover the area or disguise the fact that I have the most ridiculous hair I have ever seen now. Yes I could cut it all off but why should I? None of this was my fault, I've spent a long time growing my hair and really really struggle with the fact half of it has been taken away as well as so many other things because of HER actions. So my occupational therapy team asked her insurance to pay for me to have a wig. I might not wear it much and no I'm not completely bald but it gives me the option on days where I really can't cope with it to pretend I still at least have normal hair. What do you think?...

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx