Six months later!

   I haven't posted for almost six months! This is for two reasons, firstly I wiped my computer and forgot my blog password and even though it is saved on my memory stick kept forgetting to find it! Secondly I've actually been slightly busy.... that's right I've had things to do!!! Finally!

   Update number One - DRIVING I first had driving lessons for my 18th birthday in November 2010 these went well but my instructor had to change career and so couldn't teach me anymore, after a few months I got a new instructor and had around 10 lessons before I ran out of money. I had nearly a year without lessons, in august 2012 I was planning to restart learning when I had my accident! After a year and a half of recovering, in January 2014 still in the wheelchair I decided to push myself and start lessons again. To be honest I didn't want to, I was terrified of being on the road but I knew it would massively help my independence.
Anyway I had to re take my theory test as it had expired thanks to the accident and after that booked my practical test for September this test then had to be cancelled and I had to wait another 6 weeks before taking it on Halloween. I ended up failing it 30 seconds before the end of the test for hesitating at a roundabout! (pretty obvious why I did that) THEN the test centre was shutting for two months so I had a window of about 2 days to hope for a cancellation or wait another two months to retake. After all that I really thought something was telling me not to drive but I managed to get a cancellation and passed my second test with 3 minors!!!!! I'm very nervous driving especially on roundabouts but I can't explain the independence it gives me, after almost two and a half years of having to rely on people for everything I can finally do simple things like go to and look around a shop by myself!
I have to use an automatic car because of my left leg but I don't mind.

Here she is!

Update number two - WORK On the 29th of September I finally started the childcare apprenticeship I should of started more than 2 years earlier! I can only manage part time hours but it is fantastic, I am so lucky with how supportive and flexible they have been and continue to be. I don't think I would of been able to stay determined with my recovery if I didn't have this to aim for. Just getting up and doing a morning at work makes me feel worthwhile.

Update number three -  PUBLISHED ARTICLE On October 20th I had an article I wrote published on Cosmopolitan online!!! I can't tell you how excited this makes me you can read it here http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/reports/a30591/real-life-story-coma-car-crash/ I was even on the front page of the website!

Update number four - TURNING 22 I turned 22 in November and finally managed to venture to a nightclub, I only went to a small one where there were places to sit down and not so many people I'd get squashed. It was mostly a great night and a great achievement the only down side was a few people's attitude to my stick. I had a few people come over and ask my friends what was wrong with me, asking what's wrong with someone can be rude enough if not done by someone genuinely interested and caring but speaking over me to my friends and continuing to do so even when I approach you and explain I can speak for myself is unbelievable! I also had one guy come down some stairs behind me and grab my stick, I think he thought it would be funny in front of his friends which backfired when he looked an absolute idiot and one of them apologized for him.I does make me feel self conscious and worry about what people would say if I had my burns on show if they can't even handle a stick but luckily most people aren't like that!

On the way out for my birthday!

Update number five - JOSS MOVED On new years eve Joss moved to Cheltenham! He was meant to move at the time of the crash but when it happened he moved back in with his parents to be close to me. He put his plans on hold for almost two and a half years to be there for me and I don't know what I would have done without him. What we've been through would tear a lot of couples apart let alone at our age, we were 19 and 20 when it happened and we've had some rough times but ultimately we're so much stronger together because of the accident. I'm incredibly proud of him for what he's been through and what he has done and still does for me, he had to see me underneath the car and sat by my bed every day I was in hospital, he pushed my wheelchair for nearly two years and physically cared for me in ways no one should have to! He accepted my appearance changing in a lot of ways and has been there for me mentally. He's FANTASTIC! It's strange not seeing him in the week but i'm building up my confidence driving to see him at the weekend!

Physical Update - I now use one walking stick to get around and can get around my house without one. I still have physiotherapy and have a big limp and get tilt when I walk without the stick, I get knee and hip pain as well as in my leg and back and have developed plantar fasciitis which is basically damage to the tissue in the heel so I get severe pain in my heels sometimes which is a pain! I'm having triple whammy surgery this Thursday to give me more steroid injections into my shoulder scar, the third stage of my scalp scar revision and a big operation on my left leg to release a muscle hernia. Fingers crossed it all goes ok, things are looking brighter :)

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

Major catchup!...

I always sit down to update this blog and then end up not writing anything so now I have loads of things to write about! 
I'm going to try and keep each thing short and sweet and rambling to a minimum..

On the 5th December (was that really almost 4 months ago?!) I jetted off to Budapest with Joss and two close friends for another 21st birthday celebration, I mean if you can't go clubbing you have to have two trips right? It was a fantastic few days but I did struggle with the wheelchair a little and had some low times thinking about how different my 21st should of been. Although the hostel was pretty wheelchair friendly and I managed to get to the bathroom there with my crutches or sticks. All in all it was great to get away with some of my biggest supports and best friends.

The trusty chair in it's 3rd country!

 

On the 23rd December I moved back up to my old upstairs bedroom after 16 months sleeping in the bedroom my parents had to make for me in our front room, in order for me to come home from hospital. I started off in that room barely able to transfer from my wheelchair into my bed with a board and with a commode in there, but it was still hard moving back upstairs. After I first went back into my room I decided to have it painted a different colour to make it easier but it still didn't feel like 'my room'. I think it's because I feel so different from the 'old' me now and I probably subconsciously thought everything would be back to normal when I went back. I'm slowly accepting I won't be exactly the same ever again, no part of my life will be the same but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. 

On Christmas eve I had an appointment with my burns and plastics consultant to review my scalp surgery (read about that here), at the review it was decided that I will have the surgery repeated to improve the size further and hopefully that will help with the pain and pulling of the hair around it. I also had some painful steroid injections into part of my shoulder scars that are hypertrophic in the hope it will break down some of the tissue and help with the pain. Most of my scars are hypertrophic..

''A hypertrophic scar is a cutaneous condition characterized by deposits of excessive amounts of collagen which gives rise to a raised scar, but not to the degree observed with keloids.^[1] Like keloids, they form most often at the sites of pimples, body piercings, cuts and burns. They often contain nerves and blood vessels. They generally develop after thermal or traumatic injury that involves the deep layers of the dermis and express high levels of TGF-β.
When a normal wound heals, the body produces new collagen fibers at a rate which balances the breakdown of old collagen. Hypertrophic scars are red and thick and may be itchy or painful. They do not extend beyond the boundary of the original wound, but may continue to thicken for up to six months. They usually improve over the one or two years, but may cause distress due to their appearance or the intensity of the itching; they can also restrict movement if they are located close to a joint.
Some people have an inherited tendency to this type of scarring'' wikipedia

The 3rd January was both the one year anniversary of me standing up and my first driving lesson since before the crash. I may need to have an automatic but I am determined to learn and pass in a manual if possible because I feel it is an advantage to be able to drive a manual if needs be. Having a car would be so helpful to me as I can't walk anywhere but could get out more independently if I could drive to my destination. It's definitely very emotionally hard being in a car and I am filled with panic but I'm focusing in how much it would aid my recovery.

The 8th January was my five year anniversary with Joss! I intend to do a full post at some point about everything he has done for me but we'll save that for a really soppy day! 

For the 16th and 17th January I was in London with mom to see a ballet as her 50th birthday present from me! I used my wheelchair for 90% of the trip but was able to use sticks to get on and off escalators without which we wouldn't have been able to use the tube at all. My barely 5ft tall mom had to carry my wheelchair while I clung on to the escalators and you would be shocked at how few people offered to help! Just being able to do that though is massive progress for me. The ballet was called La Corsaire and was a sort of pirate love story, I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected to be honest and the skill of the dancers is just amazing.

 

Last but certainly not least Joss had an operation on his shoulder! His first operation date was cancelled pretty much just before the anesthetist came to see him! And he ended up having it three weeks later on the 17th February (his 22nd birthday). He dislocated his collar bone in the crash which was treated with a sling and left but as it was causing him pain again 18 months on they basically pushed it back down and secured it into place with an artificial ligament. It was very painful and he wasn't allowed to drive for 5 weeks which was hard on both of us as I can't walk anywhere we were pretty stuck, but he's doing really well now and is back driving phew!

 

Now I hope this post wasn't too boring as I was trying to cram in too many things but I really am going to try and update this more often as i find it really helpful even just to myself. 

Thank you to everyone that ever reads this blog and to all the people who give me feedback on it. It gives me a place to express myself, see my progress and hopefully help any other people in the mean time. I absolutely love hearing from people and would love some comments if anyone has any :)

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

The rest of August '13 - Another operation, A hundred mile cycle, and an off road wheelchair...

So hopefully once this post is out I will actually be able to start posting more regularly and using this blog as the sort of online diary/awareness raiser that it is meant to be! So if you're reading this and you find it interesting or enjoyable or whatever else please give me a follow or share my little blog on twitter?

On the 4th of August my step dad took on the rather impressive challenge of cycling 100 miles, yep ONE HUNDRED miles! He took part in RideLondon in which 16,500 cyclists have taken part in a 100-mile race from Surrey to London in the UK's largest ever mass participation cycling event. Why?! I hear you ask. Well all in the name of ME! (sort of...) He completed this monumental task (in under five hours!) to raise money for the Midlands Air Ambulance. Without whom I would not be here. I don't think everyone realizes that air ambulances are run solely by charitable donations (completely crazy if you ask me) it costs £6million per year to run the life saving helicopters so raising money is SO important. My step dad raised nearly £700 and I can't wait to start fundraising when I'm back on my feet!

My MAA wristband made out of a lanyard!

Rhianna (Joss's sister and one of my best friends) came home on the 12th August after 6 weeks in Central America! She went with a group and trail leader and travelled through several countries and did awesome things like scuba diving and volcano boarding! I have to say I was very jealous, me and Joss are desperate to travel and were planning to go after I complete an apprenticeship which should of been spring 2014 it has been pushed back a fair way by this crash!

My note from Rhianna in Leon. (my mom calls me Geebs..)

Me and Joss decided to venture out on the 16th and took a trip to Birmingham for dinner. We went to Handmade Burger co. I've never been before but would definitely recommend it! The place itself was lovely and we sat outside next to the canal which was so nice and relaxed. The food was SO good, it even managed to fill Joss up before he could finish his chips which is a rare sight I can tell you!

Lovely view!

Even lovelier food! 

I took another venture out on the 20th, this time not so successful. I was meeting up with two very good friends Beckie and Naomi, and as it was still really hot I had the genius idea of taking a trip to the near by Lickey Hills...Not one of my best ideas. Before we even got to the visitors centre we had to attempt the rocky, holey car park with a wobbly wheelchair. The hill from the visitors centre felt like one of those death drop slides and as the tarmac path rapidly ended as we hit the walk ways the tree roots and rocks sprung out of nowhere. It was honestly one of the funniest days since the crash and I could hardly breathe from laughing but god knows what people must of been thinking. Three 20 year old girls one in a wheelchair falling over tree roots and resorting to going back up the visitors centre backwards..We retreated to a pub for lunch where we were attacked by wasps...

Beckie and her expert pushing skills amongst the tree roots!

On the 28th I had another operation. This time it was one I was actually due to have before the crash and should of been my first ever operation, oh how things change! It was an investigatory laparascopy to investigate some symptoms I had had for quite a few years. 'A laparoscopy is a type of surgical procedure that allows a surgeon to access the inside of the abdomen and pelvis through small incisions without having to make large incisions in the skin.'  It meant another general anesthetic but the operation took just under two hours. It ended up diagnosing me with endometriosis, something I knew was a possibility but really didn't want especially after everything that has happened it felt like the final straw. It is an incurable condition which can cause infertility which for me personally would be the worst thing ever. BUT there are lots of pain management options and it's better to know at this age than find out when you've been trying for a baby for years. I haven't had my post op appointment yet so I don't know how bad it is and on what organs, and there is nothing I can do but hope for the best and try and stay positive! The recovery was worse than I was expecting and it put a hold on my physiotherapy as I couldn't even sit up without pulling the stitches for a few days. But seriously if I could have a break and some good news soon that would be great aha :)

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

June/July '13 - Everyone's leaving, Pub's, Parking and Nasal reconstruction...

    On the 6th June I had another trauma/orthopedics/bone review. Nothing much to report from this one, had my Xrays and my left leg is still making steady progress after being stubborn and refusing to grow back at all for 5 months!

    At the beginning of June I was preparing for 5 days without my main man Joss! He was jetting off to Amsterdam for two of his friends 21st birthdays. I'm not going to lie I was extremely jealous and especially annoyed at the driver who caused all this and meant I couldn't go! I was apprehensive as the longest I haven't seen him for since the crash is two days, for company if nothing else - I get so lonely! It also happened to coincide with my parents going to the Lake district with my grandparents for a week so I was 'fending for myself' (my 17 year old brother was here too) for the first time in 10 months. But it went fine, I missed him but I managed not to cause myself any more injuries which is a plus!

My main man in Amsterdam!

      On the 22nd June I saw the upstairs in Joss's house for the first time in 10 months! Which meant I also saw his little Gecko 'Shisha' too! I took my crutches to his house so I could get upstairs using the same method as at home. 

An old photo of Shisha having a bath!

And one of his bearded dragon so he doesn't feel left out!

     For the last 10 months (minus time in hospital) I have been having to ask at bars and reception areas for the key to places disabled toilet. Not all of them have keys but a lot do and I didn't have my own! But I finally got one and so decided (now I don't have to ask to use the loo!) to venture to the pub on a Friday night for the first time since the crash on the 28th June. It didn't go as well as planned, it was really overwhelming being in such a busy pub and I felt really self conscious. Partly due to the wheelchair and partly due to my hair and general appearance I felt like I looked so different to the last time I was in there. It also didn't help that I still couldn't go to the loo alone because the door is SO heavy I wouldn't be able to get out. Why would you make a disabled toilet door the weight of an elephant?! And I didn't feel I could drink too much partly for fear of hurting my poor liver that has had enough of a rough year being burst! and because I felt too vulnerable in my chair. Anyway I shed a lot of tears on the way back to Joss's (my house is too far from town) but hopefully it will only get easier, now I've done the first time.

My new toilet key!

     On the 12th July I had my first operation since leaving hospital. One of my injuries was my nose, most obviously the left nostril was pretty much torn off (I've been told that it looked like a skeleton face where there's just a hole instead of a nose, which is hard to hear) luckily that was one of the first things addressed at hospital and was stitched back on before I was even found a bed in Intensive Care. THANK YOU whoever did that for me. Clearly my nose took a lot of force and this meant that my septum (the inside partition in the centre of your nose) was bent out of shape meaning I couldn't breathe from the left side. So on the 12th July that was finally reconstructed! It was really emotional being back in a gown in a bed being wheeled down by the nurse and it brought back so much. The worst part was coming round afterwards (I explained Here that I pulled myself out of a coma in ITU at 3am not knowing where I was unable to move which was the worst time of my life and I still have nightmares about it) I woke up after the operation while they were removing the tube from my throat which sent me straight back to that and in my sedated state I really freaked out. Once I was back on the ward I was ok though, my nose really hurt and I felt groggy but after 5 hours I was allowed to go home. I had packing in my nose and swelling so I couldn't breathe through my nose at all which as I happened to get it done during a heat wave was not great! I ended up sleeping sat up with a straw in my mouth so I didn't shut my mouth and wake myself up! And I couldn't taste a thing for almost two weeks which was not good! I also had to wear a really attractive bandage under my nose for 10 days to catch blood and protect against infection. Luckily it was all done internally so they made no incisions on the outside and my stitches will stay in about 6 weeks and then come out by themselves! Watch this space to see if the operation worked!  

Probably the worst photo ever taken of me - back on the ward

Other events of note in June/July...

• I started Yoga at home with an amazing instructor, lot's of sitting on a ball and breathing!
• I started psychotherapy/Counselling at a private practice thanks to my occupational health team.
• I dyed my hair for the first time since the crash and although it was distressing having half the amount of hair I felt better after it.
• Me and Joss had joint therapy sessions.
• I got MAD at the council after they rejected our appeal against a disabled parking charge (this will get it's very own post soon!)
• Joss's sister/one of my best friends Rhianna left for 6 weeks to go on a trip to central America :(
• The UK had a heatwave, like an actual heatwave with actual heat!

Picnic in the park with Naomi, Beckie and Ella!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

OCT 2012 missing hospital - what the hell?! + How I shower etc with no downstairs bathroom...

  So I spent an agonizing 6 weeks in hospital desperate to get home only to get home and wish I was back there...
You're all probably thinking 'what the hell?' 'Is she crazy?' 'why would anyone want to be in hospital?!'. And it is extremely hard to explain but this blog is for me to keep an honest accurate account of this accident and my recovery and this is how I felt.
   Don't get me wrong before this I never sat at home thinking 'I really wish I could be in a horrible accident' and while I was in hospital I did not enjoy it. But I didn't really 'get' what being home would be like...I didn't come home to my bedroom I had to move into our front room. To get into the house I have to use ramps so I'm a prisoner in my own home unable to enter or leave alone. I cannot go upstairs at all. We have no downstairs bathroom, this means as a 19 year old female I have to have a commode chair in my fake bedroom which my mother has to empty. The ONLY reason I'm talking about every aspect of this horrific crash and it's results (even the most embarrassing and soul destroying) is because I think it's important for people to see how this driver's dangerous choices have ****** up my life. To shower I have to be taken to my parents friends house as they have a disabled access downstairs shower. This means I can only shower twice a week and involves packing two cars with me, my ramps, my wheelchair, my transfer board, commode chair (doubles as shower chair) and clothes, wash stuff and towels.   I have to be wheeled in up my ramps through their living room, mom puts the chair in the shower base puts my wheelchair next to it, I transfer with the board, she puts the towels ect. out and leaves. I shower as best I can and then text her to come and do my back dressing and reverse the procedure to go home. YES it's good that they can even offer me showers at their house but it's degrading and exhausting.

                                          Ramps to get in and out of my front door (can't use backdoor)

Anyway back to missing hospital. In the middle of October I had my first of many 'trauma reviews', these involved me going to the QE to have xrays and a meeting with my trauma/orthopedic/bones consultant. From  day 1 I have been completely strictly NO weight bearing this means I cannot put ANY weight through EITHER of my legs and must use a wheelchair and transfer boards. I was not even allowed to be rolled onto my right side because I had a big fracture in my hip socket. At this review I spent hours waiting for xray and then a meeting with one of 'Mrs bones consultants' registrars (doctors). Just to receive BAD news...still NO weight bearing at all. I have about 7 breaks in my pelvis and hip socket, and my left thigh was so badly snapped they had to remove a section before plating it and it had not began to grown back and the pelvic fractures had not begun to heal.

It was the last straw really. I felt SO depressed - why had this happened? why me? why didn't the grafts work? why did I have to use a fake toilet when the person who did this to me was fine? I missed hospital, at least in hospital I could use a toilet now I could transfer. I really bonded with some nurses which is a weird thing because you spend so much time with them and then just leave. And you know what people care more when you're in hospital, I had been inundated with cards and flowers (which sadly died before I got home!) and now I needed visitors more than ever now I was living in my own version of hell no-one really came round.

A few more positive things from my time in hospital...

  So I looked through all my posts detailing my time in hospital and while trying to get all the horrible details in I missed the 'good' times where little things lifted my spirits so here's a little list!

• Joss (my boyfriend and the rider of the bike) visited me EVERY single day without fail. He walked to the train station in our town caught the 25/30 minute train to Birmingham and walked to hospital everyday and then back again. 
• My mom was allowed to come in at 10am every morning due to my age and the nature of it all so she did. Got up early every day drove 40 minutes to hospital and sat with me until 2 when Joss usually came, drove 40 minutes back home and a lot of days the came back for evening visiting! She helped me with going to the toilet and even sat there while I slept.
• As soon as I was able to get into a wheelchair Joss was thrilled and took me off my ward any day I was feeling up to it. Pushing me round, bag of wee on one side of the chair, box sucking gunk out of my back on the back of the chair all with his arm in a sling! Which meant I could go outside and get some air for a while.
• Joss's parent's, My step-dad, younger brother, and older brother and his wife as well as  friends - Pete, Sian, Rhianna, Beckie, Ryan, Charlotte and Naomi also came to visit me once, twice or a few times. (Hope I havn't missed anyone out!)
• The food was absolutley RANK and I lost so much weight from the trauma and trying to fight infections my mom used to sneak my dinners back out onto the trolley and bring me toast in the mornings and mcdonalds on good evenings. She even went to the shop and brough baguette, cheese, butter and a bottle of salad cream when I was craving a real sandwich!
• Joss brought me pizza wrapped in tin foil and even surprised me with a subway one of the days!
• I also discovered Branston pickle with sticks of cheese in the hospital WHsmith which is one good thing to come from this!

All of these things made an otherwise horrific, scary and painful hospital stay more bearable!