19th August 2013 - One year 'Anniversary'...

This post might end up being quite short compared to some of my (OK all of my) other posts. But I thought it was about time I posted since we have now passed the elusive 'one year anniversary'..

Firstly I feel odd using the word 'Anniversary', that implies a happy occasion I think like wedding anniversaries and '6 month' and '1 year' anniversaries that happy new couples count. But I don't know what other word to use so it will have to stick! Any suggestions greatly received!
But anyway Monday 19th August 2013 marked one year since the horrific events of Sunday 19th August 2012. The build up was awful I'm not ashamed to say I have been dreading this date pretty much since the crash happened. It's hard to explain, it's not that I'm superstitious and thought the same thing or another traumatic event would happen on it (although I can be superstitious..) it just stirred up so many emotions and fears.

I hated the idea of having to say 'August 2012' instead of 'Last August' when people ask about the crash. I thought somehow people would stop caring when it was over a year ago. I was scared I would spend the next six weeks reliving every event from the scene and hospital. I hate it when people say 'when this is over' because to me that implies that one day I'll wake up with no scars no mobility issues or impending arthritis no flash backs and no memory of this. You get the picture, in general I was terrified of this date the mere thought of it made me feel sick! But in all honesty it wasn't as bad as I thought. I cried and felt sick but I went to physio and then spent the day with Joss just relaxing together trying to keep busy. Nobody stopped caring and expected me to miraculously heal overnight because 'it had been a year' so all in all it was OK. I did have a few more flash backs and for a few days I couldn't stop thinking about what I was doing in hospital on each date - that was overshadowed when I had another operation but I'll talk about that in another post - my neighbours even sent flowers which really touched me that they remembered the date and acknowledged that I would be feeling low it was absolutely lovely!

 DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

June/July '13 - Everyone's leaving, Pub's, Parking and Nasal reconstruction...

    On the 6th June I had another trauma/orthopedics/bone review. Nothing much to report from this one, had my Xrays and my left leg is still making steady progress after being stubborn and refusing to grow back at all for 5 months!

    At the beginning of June I was preparing for 5 days without my main man Joss! He was jetting off to Amsterdam for two of his friends 21st birthdays. I'm not going to lie I was extremely jealous and especially annoyed at the driver who caused all this and meant I couldn't go! I was apprehensive as the longest I haven't seen him for since the crash is two days, for company if nothing else - I get so lonely! It also happened to coincide with my parents going to the Lake district with my grandparents for a week so I was 'fending for myself' (my 17 year old brother was here too) for the first time in 10 months. But it went fine, I missed him but I managed not to cause myself any more injuries which is a plus!

My main man in Amsterdam!

      On the 22nd June I saw the upstairs in Joss's house for the first time in 10 months! Which meant I also saw his little Gecko 'Shisha' too! I took my crutches to his house so I could get upstairs using the same method as at home. 

An old photo of Shisha having a bath!

And one of his bearded dragon so he doesn't feel left out!

     For the last 10 months (minus time in hospital) I have been having to ask at bars and reception areas for the key to places disabled toilet. Not all of them have keys but a lot do and I didn't have my own! But I finally got one and so decided (now I don't have to ask to use the loo!) to venture to the pub on a Friday night for the first time since the crash on the 28th June. It didn't go as well as planned, it was really overwhelming being in such a busy pub and I felt really self conscious. Partly due to the wheelchair and partly due to my hair and general appearance I felt like I looked so different to the last time I was in there. It also didn't help that I still couldn't go to the loo alone because the door is SO heavy I wouldn't be able to get out. Why would you make a disabled toilet door the weight of an elephant?! And I didn't feel I could drink too much partly for fear of hurting my poor liver that has had enough of a rough year being burst! and because I felt too vulnerable in my chair. Anyway I shed a lot of tears on the way back to Joss's (my house is too far from town) but hopefully it will only get easier, now I've done the first time.

My new toilet key!

     On the 12th July I had my first operation since leaving hospital. One of my injuries was my nose, most obviously the left nostril was pretty much torn off (I've been told that it looked like a skeleton face where there's just a hole instead of a nose, which is hard to hear) luckily that was one of the first things addressed at hospital and was stitched back on before I was even found a bed in Intensive Care. THANK YOU whoever did that for me. Clearly my nose took a lot of force and this meant that my septum (the inside partition in the centre of your nose) was bent out of shape meaning I couldn't breathe from the left side. So on the 12th July that was finally reconstructed! It was really emotional being back in a gown in a bed being wheeled down by the nurse and it brought back so much. The worst part was coming round afterwards (I explained Here that I pulled myself out of a coma in ITU at 3am not knowing where I was unable to move which was the worst time of my life and I still have nightmares about it) I woke up after the operation while they were removing the tube from my throat which sent me straight back to that and in my sedated state I really freaked out. Once I was back on the ward I was ok though, my nose really hurt and I felt groggy but after 5 hours I was allowed to go home. I had packing in my nose and swelling so I couldn't breathe through my nose at all which as I happened to get it done during a heat wave was not great! I ended up sleeping sat up with a straw in my mouth so I didn't shut my mouth and wake myself up! And I couldn't taste a thing for almost two weeks which was not good! I also had to wear a really attractive bandage under my nose for 10 days to catch blood and protect against infection. Luckily it was all done internally so they made no incisions on the outside and my stitches will stay in about 6 weeks and then come out by themselves! Watch this space to see if the operation worked!  

Probably the worst photo ever taken of me - back on the ward

Other events of note in June/July...

• I started Yoga at home with an amazing instructor, lot's of sitting on a ball and breathing!
• I started psychotherapy/Counselling at a private practice thanks to my occupational health team.
• I dyed my hair for the first time since the crash and although it was distressing having half the amount of hair I felt better after it.
• Me and Joss had joint therapy sessions.
• I got MAD at the council after they rejected our appeal against a disabled parking charge (this will get it's very own post soon!)
• Joss's sister/one of my best friends Rhianna left for 6 weeks to go on a trip to central America :(
• The UK had a heatwave, like an actual heatwave with actual heat!

Picnic in the park with Naomi, Beckie and Ella!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

Wednesday 5th September - 10th September Ups and DOWNS...

  It may read as though I'm skipping days throught this blog, I'm writing it from a diary my mom kept whilst I was in hospital to keep track of what happened when, for the solicitors.
  These were a stressful few days (everyday was but these more so...). On Wednesday the 5th September DAY 18 in hospital, my Vacum dressing was removed from my back (full thickness burn and graft) again. Once again this happened out of nowhere for me as a team of doctors, students and a consultant came into my room and talked about me to eachother while my nurse came in as fast as possible to try and get down what they were doing, so that I would know and so it would also be in my notes! They made me sit forward for this which was marginally better than being rolled but I had to hang on to my nurse to hold myself up and it killed my back, my pelvis, my legs everything. The removal itself hurt a lot, they peeled it off pretty fast but the thing is completley, air and water tight so it sticks pretty hard. They peered at the burn and muttered to themselves that it didnt look good 'here or here' but was probably 80% taken. That means 80% of the skin stapled onto the burn had survived and was doing well. They re-dressed it with a fabric dressing and special pads. They also pulled the dressings off my head, shoulder and hip and left them open for the nurse to try and figure out what they wanted doing with them! That was the first time I had seen my shoulder and hip injuries and they were pretty nasty. They called it 'road damage' or 'road burns' and basically where I had been dragged 10m under a car the tarmac had ripped through my jeans and 100% leather jacket and basically dragged and rubbed big patches of skin off me. My hip skin was hanging off and so was stitched back on and I have large areas of scar tissue which were once essentially gaping holes. The same happened to my head, my helmet was driven over and ripped up at some point and my scalp was rubbed away to my skull on the right side. Hense the hair removal, LUCKILY my hair has grown back through some of the scar tissue on my scalp and so they can cut out the remainder of scar tissue and pull it together to create a straight line scar. Which if you'd seen my head in A&E should be absolutley amazing!
  On Friday 7th September my wrist was comfirmed broken. One of the first things I recall when I came out of the coma was telling the nurses my wrist hurt (I couldnt feel my lower body so it didnt hurt at that time) they told me it was probably just a sprain because they had done a full body scan...Nope 3 weeks later it was 100% broken and put in plaster! Meaning I only had one un-damaged are (my left arm).
  Monday 10th September was heartbreaking really. It was DAY 23 and I was told I may be able to be transferred to a nearer hospital if I carried on progressing well, I was desperate to go home and really hoping for that. I met Mr VN (Im not sure if Im allowed to use his full name so I wont!) this day, he is a very senior burns and plastics consultant, he's also a wing commander in the army and runs private plastic surgery clinics in london. He had been told about me and wanted to take over as my burns consultant. He looked at my back, didn't order someone else to take off the dressings and actually spoke TO me! Sadly he took one look at my back and was absolutley certain the graft had completley failed and that the wound was becomming extremley infected. He was furious that someone had looked at it and told us it was 80% taken becuase it was 0% taken. They told me I'd have to go straight onto antibiotics, have my back treated everyday and when it was clear repeat the whole skin graft procedure. I was completley devastated I couldnt believe any of this had happened and just wanted to go back and never leave the house that day. I still do.
 

Skin Graft Number One...

  Thursday 23rd August (My first full day on the military trauma ward) it is safe to say I didn't really know what my injuries were. I think I was told in brief detail but it didn't go in and they tend to just say things like 'you're very poorly' when you've been through something so severe and clearly wont be able to understand yet. Also at this point I knew we had been in a motorbike accident that a driver had hit us at the island but no idea that I had been driven over and dragged 10 metres and had no memory at all.
  That afternoon my mum went home to sleep and Joss (my boyfriend and the bike rider) and Rhianna (his sister and my friend) were with me when a woman came into my room. I remember this clearly - she did not introduce herself and she was with a few students, she said some crap and then said ''So we're getting you in for your skin graft tomorrow''. The minute she said that sentence I went into massive panic. I couldn't breathe I started asking what she was talking about that I had no idea I was having any operations and she said ''yes you need a skin graft on your back from where you were stuck to the cars exhaust pipe'' This is where consultants and doctors fail. I had NO idea I had been under the car at this point, NO idea I even had a burn let alone how severe, NO idea I was having any operations. Then she tried to claim it had been decided on friday (IMPOSSIBLE my accident happened on sunday 2 days AFTER friday). After waking up in ITU I was terrified of even falling asleep the thought of being put under was more horrifying for me than I can even explain.
  During this panic attack she just left and luckily my wonderful nurse Laura came in, I was in an awful state crying and screaming yet trapped in my body unable to move. She assured me that I had to give consent and so I could refuse but I really needed the operation, that waking up wouldnt be like in ITU (ive never had an op or even been in hospital before this).
   I didn't agree/sign to the operation until I was in the anaesthetic room, I pressed my morphine PCA the whole way down hoping i would fall asleep before they could put me under. The assistant in there was wonderful she held my hand and stroked my head like i was a vulnerable child. I didn't feel myself falling asleep next thing I new I was opening my eyes in recovery. I remember I couldnt move (combination of my injuries anyway and the general anaesthetic wearing off) but I managed to say 'thank you for looking after me' to the recovery nurse I felt so thankful and vulnerable.
  I had a Split Thickness Skin Graft because they can cover a larger area. The skin was taken from the back of my right thigh using what is essentially a peeler (which as a wound itself is so painful) and literally stapled over my burn (with a little more complexity!). I had a NPWT or Vacuum dressing placed over it, applying a vacuum through a special sealed dressing attatched to a tube and a container box. The continued vacuum draws out fluid (gross!) from the wound and increases blood flow to the area. I also had my shoulder, hip, chest and head wounds washed and dressed and my hair properly shaved to keep my head injury more safe.
 I'm going to attatch some photos of skin graft 'implements' and the NPWT dressings THEY ARE NOT ME THEY ARE EXAMPLES FROM GOOGLE hopefully they wont upset anyone!
DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

                Example of a vacuum dressing - this person has a knee injury mine was obviously on my back.

                                  Example of the box and tube attatched to you and the dressing.

                                   How the donor skin is taken for applictation to the burn/wound.

Wednesday 22nd August - Leaving ITU...

  On the 22nd of August 2011 I was flying home after spending time volunteering within orphanages and other placements in Morocco. I travelled there alone and it was tough but incredible.

  On the 22nd of August 2012 I was coming to the realisation that maybe I wasn't dreaming, after all you don't feel pain in dreams and jesus was I feeling pain. I spent the Tuesday night in ITU with my mom sat in a chair all night. She says I didn't sleep, I was flicking between panic attacks, agonizing pain and vulnerable wimpering. When I say I couldn't move for weeks I mean exactly that. I will obviously detail all my mobility progress in my posts but for the first few weeks I really couldn't move. I couldn't eat so nurses, Joss and my mom had to feed me high calorie drinks with a straw. I couldn't move my legs at all, I couldn't lift my arms or my head, all I could do was turn my head to face either side of the room.
  The Wednesday afternoon my lung drains were able to come out. They're pretty gross things, literally a big pipe that goes through your side into your lung and is attatched to this big pot (which I'm told was full of what looked like liposuction fluid NICE). The doctor asked me to breathe in and he literally pulled the pipe out, on each side. The holes are usually small enough to be left but mine were too big and had to be stitched up and eventually got infected. I now have a hypertrophic (raised) scar on both sides. The rest of the day is mostly a blur of Iv's, tablets and people asking me the same questions 'what's your name?' 'where are you?' 'what day is it?' to keep track of my head injury. The consultants eventually decided I could be moved to a ward and when they found a bed I literally had to move beds. To move beds in a condition like mine they have to use a 'Pat slide' this required a team of nurses, they put the beds next to each other, rolled me onto my side (another scream inducing ordeal) while the plastic board is put underneath, rolled back onto it and on a count they pull the board over to the next bed roll you again and remove it. (So much more excrutiating than I could possibley explain). I was taken up to the Military ward as the nurses on it specialise in Polytrauma's (mulitple serious injuries).
   On the way Joss's mum and sister Rhianna bumped into us. This is when I broke down about my hair. I had been told some of my hair had to be cut off to stop bleeding, at this point I had no idea the extent. My hair was waist length and I knew Rhianna would understand my devastation. She tells me since that she was shocked when she saw me as understandably you just can't imagine the extent of an accident until you see the victim. My face was still ballooned, I had two black eyes, my nostril had been stitched back on, the rest of my face and neck was a mess of grazes, I was lay flat on a hospital bed an easy removal gown over my front, with oxygen in my nose, tubes in both arms and I could hardly speak. I wish there was a photo of me at this time just to see how far I've come. Mom stayed in a chair next to my new bed that night, I had my own room on the military ward for infection control and I was the youngest patient on there (in all the wards I stayed in actually).
   I will write more tomorrow, DRIVE SAFE, George x

Starting a blog...

I have decided to start this blog as a way of viewing my progress following a serious RTA. My collision happened 7 months ago on the 19th August 2012, I wish I had thought of doing this sooner but I aim to back date my posts (using my diary) in order to view what has happened from that day not just from now. I hope this blog may help others and help people close to me to keep up to date. I don't know what I'm doing yet so bear with me, George x