Sep '13 - One year post discharge, Seeing my bedroom and a trip to Cadbury world...

So today - September 27th 2013 is one year since I was discharged from hospital. I explained how hard that was in this earlier post I was still naive then I thought as soon as I got home it would all be over, but really emotionally the worst was yet to come. I didn't come home in a sense, I came back to my house where I had a new room downstairs, no real toilet, I didn't wear my old clothes, I didn't look like myself, think like myself or do anything I used to do.
A year on from that date - I still use a wheelchair, I'm still having operations, I have therapy/councelling most weeks, I have physiotherapy every week, I can't leave the house alone, I still have a compression garment, I massage my scars several times a day, I'm still in pain, I have a variety of hospital appointments and my femur/thigh still hasn't grown back.

On a lighter note I went to Cadbury world last week! I haven't been in like 10 years (maybe because I'm supposed to be 20) so I was pretty excited, me and Naomi were planning to go but thought it more acceptable if we take her niece and nephew...So it ended up us two, Flynn, Lauren and Lauren's mum Helen. I have to say it was a pretty good day, I can't remember what you used to get but we got 3 bars of chocolate, a shot of melted chocolate and a cup of our choice of sweets covered in melted chocolate from a place called essence. The kids seemed to really enjoy it and the outdoor play area was massive! My ticket price was reduced because I use a wheelchair but I'd recommend it to everyone, especially if you need to entertain children for the day!

I also went in my actual bedroom for the first time since I left it the morning of 'crash day'. Something I'm not ashamed to say I've been dreading, for the first 9 months I couldn't go upstairs at all and since then I've been gradually getting up more and more but still sleep downstairs. My therapist helped me put a plan together for going in and I suppose it wasn't as bad as I thought. It was really hard seeing all my old clothes and  magazines dated the week of the accident. I went shopping with Beckie the week of the accident and there are year old clothes in there I've never had the chance to wear. The clothes I wore that day aren't there because they had to be cut off my mangled body. Probably worst of all my diary still open on that week with 'safari park with Joss!' written in it. It is like looking at someone else's stuff and it's almost like grieving for the 'old Georgia' because I feel so far away from that. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I thought it would all sink in when I went in there but it didn't. My therapist say's I completely disassociate from it and can easily talk about the crash as if I'm reading a script which I suppose isn't good because it really really doesn't feel real. Probably partly because I literally woke up from a coma and had to believe what I was being told with no recollection of it happening! 

My mess of a wardrobe

Quite different from my beige downstairs room

Completely unaware of what was going to happen

Year old clothes still waiting to be worn

I think I'll follow this post with one purely on my physical updates so it doesn't all get mushed together and is easier to find if anyone does happen to stumble across this blog! If you do read this blog and you don't really know me please feel free to comment and say 'Hi' I love hearing from people who have found this little blog xxx
DRIVE SAFE, George 

19th August 2013 - One year 'Anniversary'...

This post might end up being quite short compared to some of my (OK all of my) other posts. But I thought it was about time I posted since we have now passed the elusive 'one year anniversary'..

Firstly I feel odd using the word 'Anniversary', that implies a happy occasion I think like wedding anniversaries and '6 month' and '1 year' anniversaries that happy new couples count. But I don't know what other word to use so it will have to stick! Any suggestions greatly received!
But anyway Monday 19th August 2013 marked one year since the horrific events of Sunday 19th August 2012. The build up was awful I'm not ashamed to say I have been dreading this date pretty much since the crash happened. It's hard to explain, it's not that I'm superstitious and thought the same thing or another traumatic event would happen on it (although I can be superstitious..) it just stirred up so many emotions and fears.

I hated the idea of having to say 'August 2012' instead of 'Last August' when people ask about the crash. I thought somehow people would stop caring when it was over a year ago. I was scared I would spend the next six weeks reliving every event from the scene and hospital. I hate it when people say 'when this is over' because to me that implies that one day I'll wake up with no scars no mobility issues or impending arthritis no flash backs and no memory of this. You get the picture, in general I was terrified of this date the mere thought of it made me feel sick! But in all honesty it wasn't as bad as I thought. I cried and felt sick but I went to physio and then spent the day with Joss just relaxing together trying to keep busy. Nobody stopped caring and expected me to miraculously heal overnight because 'it had been a year' so all in all it was OK. I did have a few more flash backs and for a few days I couldn't stop thinking about what I was doing in hospital on each date - that was overshadowed when I had another operation but I'll talk about that in another post - my neighbours even sent flowers which really touched me that they remembered the date and acknowledged that I would be feeling low it was absolutely lovely!

 DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

FEB '13 - Court case, Waiting list for operations and Joss's 21st...

   I'll skip past Valentine's Day and go straight to February 17th, Joss's 21st birthday. I felt pretty bad because he didn't get to do anything really good for it because I couldn't have joined in and he felt too bad to do anything that I would be missing out on. In the end he just had a night out in Cheltenham with some mates, which I was upset not to be able to go to but I felt more guilty that he couldn't do something better. On the actual day we went for a family meal at Jimmy Spices and although it was a good evening the food was not great haha. I tried to make up for him not doing anything too fun by getting him a surprise gift of a bungee jump. I was apprehensive about it before I even bought it because I am now scared of everything that could induce these kind of injuries...but he loved it so hopefully the cord wont snap! I didn't mention in the last post but January 8th was our 4 year anniversary, pretty impressive but it's safe to say I love him more than ever now and he has had to see me in a horrific state and thought I was dead and I don't think I'd of coped if it was the other way round. Here's a cheesy picture 1st is us in 2009 at Sonisphere festival and the 2nd at his sister Rhianna's birthday meal in October (leaning on my wheelchair!)

February 18th was the day of the court case. I'm not going to go into the legal stuff - what happened and the result - purely because I'm not sure if I am allowed. As this was the other driver's fault (that much has been completely clear from day 1) we have a claim - something that was started before I even woke up from my coma - and I don't want to affect that. I can tell you that it was one of the hardest days of my life. Joss had obviously met the person who did this as he was completely conscious at the scene but I hadn't. Apparently they did not act in a 'helpful way' shall we say at the scene and I didn't really want to face them 6 months on. We had to wait a long time at the court and I had to be briefed on the fire procedure and sign to say I was happy to be evacuated on a special stair chair in the event of a fire. This heightened my emotions as if it wasn't for THEIR actions I wouldn't be using a chair at all. I cried silently pretty much from when we arrived, Joss's parent's went up stairs while we waited for the lift and came back looking worried to say 'they' were up there. My heart felt like it flew into my mouth, I felt absolute horror and panic. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to be there. I looked away and they pushed me straight to the furthest waiting area around a corner. After a long wait we were called into quite a small court room where I saw them for the first time. I was parked at the back feeling very fragile in my wheelchair my head wound and remains of my hair wrapped up in a scarf. They tried to speak to me while the court adjourned but it was too distressing and the fact they didn't even know my name said it all to me. Joss had decided to write them a letter explaining all my injuries and what I had endured and was still enduring because if the punishment wasn't going to be severe we needed them to know what they had actually done. It was extremely hard and I'm so thankful I had Joss there with me to hold me and understand that the fact the court case was done didn't mean anything was over for me. I'm not going to go into that anymore because I will never shut up...
 
   By some luck that same evening I was going to see Circus of Horrors with Joss's family for his 21st birthday. We saw it at the Birmingham new alexandra theatre, and I have to say the disabled access was ok. I was however quite annoyed that as we were let in the side entrance the attendant decided to ask me if I needed the toilet before I went in, in front of everyone. I'm sorry but... really?! If you want to let me know where the disabled toilet is just say 'Just to let you know our disabled toilet is down there'...but anyway the show was AMAZING. Some of the acts were just insane, swallowing swords, hanging by their hair, acrobatics mid air! The only problem was that because we had to sit in the disabled area the balcony above blocked our view of some of the aerial acts but all in all it was a good end to what started as a very horrible day.
 

   I had an appointment with my burn's consultant on February 26th where I was put on the list for an operation on my scalp. After I was driven over I was dragged over 10 metres at which point my helmet was partly smashed and ripped of my head removing a large chunk of my chin. My head along with the rest of me was dragged along the road resulting in a large part of the right side of my scalp was completely rubbed/scraped/torn off. As well as hair being cut and shaved off around it this has left me with a big scar on my head about 2.5 inches wide and 4 inches long which hair will never grow through. So they essentially want to cut that out, pull it together and staple it in place. This will leave a scar but will be a big improvement on what I have now. My only worries are about it being too tight and them having to use expansion which is where they place a balloon under the skin and fill it with saline solution over a long period of time to stretch the skin. But we'll take it as it comes! 

I'll leave this post with a few pictures from February...

My fab nails done by my friend Naomi!

A little mini visitor with my friend Beckie!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx