FEB '13 - Court case, Waiting list for operations and Joss's 21st...

   I'll skip past Valentine's Day and go straight to February 17th, Joss's 21st birthday. I felt pretty bad because he didn't get to do anything really good for it because I couldn't have joined in and he felt too bad to do anything that I would be missing out on. In the end he just had a night out in Cheltenham with some mates, which I was upset not to be able to go to but I felt more guilty that he couldn't do something better. On the actual day we went for a family meal at Jimmy Spices and although it was a good evening the food was not great haha. I tried to make up for him not doing anything too fun by getting him a surprise gift of a bungee jump. I was apprehensive about it before I even bought it because I am now scared of everything that could induce these kind of injuries...but he loved it so hopefully the cord wont snap! I didn't mention in the last post but January 8th was our 4 year anniversary, pretty impressive but it's safe to say I love him more than ever now and he has had to see me in a horrific state and thought I was dead and I don't think I'd of coped if it was the other way round. Here's a cheesy picture 1st is us in 2009 at Sonisphere festival and the 2nd at his sister Rhianna's birthday meal in October (leaning on my wheelchair!)

February 18th was the day of the court case. I'm not going to go into the legal stuff - what happened and the result - purely because I'm not sure if I am allowed. As this was the other driver's fault (that much has been completely clear from day 1) we have a claim - something that was started before I even woke up from my coma - and I don't want to affect that. I can tell you that it was one of the hardest days of my life. Joss had obviously met the person who did this as he was completely conscious at the scene but I hadn't. Apparently they did not act in a 'helpful way' shall we say at the scene and I didn't really want to face them 6 months on. We had to wait a long time at the court and I had to be briefed on the fire procedure and sign to say I was happy to be evacuated on a special stair chair in the event of a fire. This heightened my emotions as if it wasn't for THEIR actions I wouldn't be using a chair at all. I cried silently pretty much from when we arrived, Joss's parent's went up stairs while we waited for the lift and came back looking worried to say 'they' were up there. My heart felt like it flew into my mouth, I felt absolute horror and panic. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to be there. I looked away and they pushed me straight to the furthest waiting area around a corner. After a long wait we were called into quite a small court room where I saw them for the first time. I was parked at the back feeling very fragile in my wheelchair my head wound and remains of my hair wrapped up in a scarf. They tried to speak to me while the court adjourned but it was too distressing and the fact they didn't even know my name said it all to me. Joss had decided to write them a letter explaining all my injuries and what I had endured and was still enduring because if the punishment wasn't going to be severe we needed them to know what they had actually done. It was extremely hard and I'm so thankful I had Joss there with me to hold me and understand that the fact the court case was done didn't mean anything was over for me. I'm not going to go into that anymore because I will never shut up...
 
   By some luck that same evening I was going to see Circus of Horrors with Joss's family for his 21st birthday. We saw it at the Birmingham new alexandra theatre, and I have to say the disabled access was ok. I was however quite annoyed that as we were let in the side entrance the attendant decided to ask me if I needed the toilet before I went in, in front of everyone. I'm sorry but... really?! If you want to let me know where the disabled toilet is just say 'Just to let you know our disabled toilet is down there'...but anyway the show was AMAZING. Some of the acts were just insane, swallowing swords, hanging by their hair, acrobatics mid air! The only problem was that because we had to sit in the disabled area the balcony above blocked our view of some of the aerial acts but all in all it was a good end to what started as a very horrible day.
 

   I had an appointment with my burn's consultant on February 26th where I was put on the list for an operation on my scalp. After I was driven over I was dragged over 10 metres at which point my helmet was partly smashed and ripped of my head removing a large chunk of my chin. My head along with the rest of me was dragged along the road resulting in a large part of the right side of my scalp was completely rubbed/scraped/torn off. As well as hair being cut and shaved off around it this has left me with a big scar on my head about 2.5 inches wide and 4 inches long which hair will never grow through. So they essentially want to cut that out, pull it together and staple it in place. This will leave a scar but will be a big improvement on what I have now. My only worries are about it being too tight and them having to use expansion which is where they place a balloon under the skin and fill it with saline solution over a long period of time to stretch the skin. But we'll take it as it comes! 

I'll leave this post with a few pictures from February...

My fab nails done by my friend Naomi!

A little mini visitor with my friend Beckie!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

DEC '12 - Desperate for visitors, An African reunion and a difficult Christmas time...

   August 8th 2011 I flew to Morocco on my own. I was going to volunteer with street children, within orphanages and various other locations. When I got on that flight I was absolutely crapping myself, I thought what if no-ones there with a sign waiting for me or it's some sort of scam or I get kidnapped at the airport! You'll be pleased to know none of that happened (well my pick up man was an hour late but he got there!) and it was the most amazing time! Anyway back to December 2012, two girls I met while in Morocco visited and we had a mini reunion. It was weird thinking what had happened since I last saw them 16 months ago, I was working in mountains and trekking waterfalls with them and now I was sat in a wheelchair. In fact I flew home on August 22nd 2011 and on August 22nd 2012 I was in intensive care having just come out of a coma. It was lovely to see them though and get out of the house and have some company.

A very small selection of photo's from Morocco!   

   Speaking of visitors December is when I started to really wish I had more of them. When the crash happened obviously everyone who knows you is horrified and so worried, so you're inundated with people asking to see you and sending cards and what not. But 4 months on I felt I was seriously lacking in people wanting to see me. I'm sure everyone still cared but I think people just assume when you've left hospital you're ok. Although everyone knew I couldn't put any weight through my legs and I needed more operations and everything else, I don't think it's easy to understand what that really means. When I say I'm living in the front room, I can't leave the house alone I mean exactly that. I can't even get a drink or anything to eat or my tablets myself meaning my mom has had to be off work for 4 months now and as she is a midwife that isn't great. I'm in constant pain and emotionally finding it really hard. Saying that some people have been amazing and try to speak to me and visit whenever they can and Joss is literally here any time he isn't at work and I couldn't cope without him.

Joss (without a head) pushing me around Stratford for his sisters birthday

  Christmas was pretty hard this year. While everyone was out getting monumentally drunk I was sat in bed downstairs injecting my stomach (I've been on daily blood thinning injections since the crash). I had bed covers as my main present because I just didn't know what to ask for, I can't go out and do stuff, I don't wear clothes that I normally wear, my hair is half shaven I just didn't know who I was anymore really. We even had to have our Christmas tree and open our presents in the hallway because I'm living in the room we normally do it in and it's too full of all my equipment. My wheelchair had to be lifted over the step in and out of the conservatory to eat Christmas dinner with my family and visiting grandparents. On a happier note I was invited to Nuneaton in the evening with Joss's family to have a meal with his grandparents and aunties and uncles which got me out the house and was really nice. My best present was realizing how easily I could of not been here to see this Christmas and just spending time with both of our families. 

My downstairs bedroom made Christmassy with lights and a mini tree!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

OCT 2012 missing hospital - what the hell?! + How I shower etc with no downstairs bathroom...

  So I spent an agonizing 6 weeks in hospital desperate to get home only to get home and wish I was back there...
You're all probably thinking 'what the hell?' 'Is she crazy?' 'why would anyone want to be in hospital?!'. And it is extremely hard to explain but this blog is for me to keep an honest accurate account of this accident and my recovery and this is how I felt.
   Don't get me wrong before this I never sat at home thinking 'I really wish I could be in a horrible accident' and while I was in hospital I did not enjoy it. But I didn't really 'get' what being home would be like...I didn't come home to my bedroom I had to move into our front room. To get into the house I have to use ramps so I'm a prisoner in my own home unable to enter or leave alone. I cannot go upstairs at all. We have no downstairs bathroom, this means as a 19 year old female I have to have a commode chair in my fake bedroom which my mother has to empty. The ONLY reason I'm talking about every aspect of this horrific crash and it's results (even the most embarrassing and soul destroying) is because I think it's important for people to see how this driver's dangerous choices have ****** up my life. To shower I have to be taken to my parents friends house as they have a disabled access downstairs shower. This means I can only shower twice a week and involves packing two cars with me, my ramps, my wheelchair, my transfer board, commode chair (doubles as shower chair) and clothes, wash stuff and towels.   I have to be wheeled in up my ramps through their living room, mom puts the chair in the shower base puts my wheelchair next to it, I transfer with the board, she puts the towels ect. out and leaves. I shower as best I can and then text her to come and do my back dressing and reverse the procedure to go home. YES it's good that they can even offer me showers at their house but it's degrading and exhausting.

                                          Ramps to get in and out of my front door (can't use backdoor)

Anyway back to missing hospital. In the middle of October I had my first of many 'trauma reviews', these involved me going to the QE to have xrays and a meeting with my trauma/orthopedic/bones consultant. From  day 1 I have been completely strictly NO weight bearing this means I cannot put ANY weight through EITHER of my legs and must use a wheelchair and transfer boards. I was not even allowed to be rolled onto my right side because I had a big fracture in my hip socket. At this review I spent hours waiting for xray and then a meeting with one of 'Mrs bones consultants' registrars (doctors). Just to receive BAD news...still NO weight bearing at all. I have about 7 breaks in my pelvis and hip socket, and my left thigh was so badly snapped they had to remove a section before plating it and it had not began to grown back and the pelvic fractures had not begun to heal.

It was the last straw really. I felt SO depressed - why had this happened? why me? why didn't the grafts work? why did I have to use a fake toilet when the person who did this to me was fine? I missed hospital, at least in hospital I could use a toilet now I could transfer. I really bonded with some nurses which is a weird thing because you spend so much time with them and then just leave. And you know what people care more when you're in hospital, I had been inundated with cards and flowers (which sadly died before I got home!) and now I needed visitors more than ever now I was living in my own version of hell no-one really came round.

A few more positive things from my time in hospital...

  So I looked through all my posts detailing my time in hospital and while trying to get all the horrible details in I missed the 'good' times where little things lifted my spirits so here's a little list!

• Joss (my boyfriend and the rider of the bike) visited me EVERY single day without fail. He walked to the train station in our town caught the 25/30 minute train to Birmingham and walked to hospital everyday and then back again. 
• My mom was allowed to come in at 10am every morning due to my age and the nature of it all so she did. Got up early every day drove 40 minutes to hospital and sat with me until 2 when Joss usually came, drove 40 minutes back home and a lot of days the came back for evening visiting! She helped me with going to the toilet and even sat there while I slept.
• As soon as I was able to get into a wheelchair Joss was thrilled and took me off my ward any day I was feeling up to it. Pushing me round, bag of wee on one side of the chair, box sucking gunk out of my back on the back of the chair all with his arm in a sling! Which meant I could go outside and get some air for a while.
• Joss's parent's, My step-dad, younger brother, and older brother and his wife as well as  friends - Pete, Sian, Rhianna, Beckie, Ryan, Charlotte and Naomi also came to visit me once, twice or a few times. (Hope I havn't missed anyone out!)
• The food was absolutley RANK and I lost so much weight from the trauma and trying to fight infections my mom used to sneak my dinners back out onto the trolley and bring me toast in the mornings and mcdonalds on good evenings. She even went to the shop and brough baguette, cheese, butter and a bottle of salad cream when I was craving a real sandwich!
• Joss brought me pizza wrapped in tin foil and even surprised me with a subway one of the days!
• I also discovered Branston pickle with sticks of cheese in the hospital WHsmith which is one good thing to come from this!

All of these things made an otherwise horrific, scary and painful hospital stay more bearable!