JAN '13 - New years eve, STANDING UP!!!!, Loose women and a Wig...

  So I thought I would write about New Years Eve in January not December (living life on the edge!).  New Year was always going to be difficult, as a 20 year old woman generally you want to dress up, dance and essentially get very very drunk. I couldn't do that this year. Very kindly Joss's family offered to have a party at there house so that I could celebrate with my friends at least and it was good and hopefully everyone had a great time. It's just that nothing is simple anymore, in order to go to their house and stay over night I had to bring my ramps to get through the front door and the commode chair to put over their downstairs toilet (thank God they have a downstairs toilet!), which involved taking the ramps from the front door and using them from the step in the kitchen into the utility area. Once in there Joss had to move the ramps to wheel me out of the sink room and down the 'corridor' to the toilet room and help me onto the commode chair and then wheel that over the toilet and vise versa to get back to the kitchen. This meant no-one else could use the downstairs toilet and every time I went everyone had to move out of the kitchen drawing loads of attention to it. I also tried to dress a bit nicer which resulted in me breaking down. I lost a LOT of weight in hospital but after coming out I started to gain it back, however I can't do any exercise at all so I could eat half of what I ate before the crash and still gain weight. I've also lost a massive amount of muscle in my legs meaning they aren't the same shape at all as before. And let's not even delve too deep into the fact I only have half my hair left. Let's just say I felt absolutely hideous and I have never had this little confidence in my whole life. I got to spend the night with Joss though for the first time in nearly 5 months as they had set up the front room with a bed which was worth it.

   On the 3rd January I had another trauma/orthopedic/bone review. I had the usual long wait and xrays and then another long wait before seeing a doctor for a talk through the xrays. You could still see all the black lines in my pelvis where the breaks are/were but it was FINALLY knitting back together. My left thigh is held together with a big metal plate and screws (A 9 hour operation I had while still in a coma). They had to remove a large section of bone so there is a big gap between the two ends of bone but after 5 months it was showing signs of growth. And so almost 5 months on I was told I was allowed to start weight-bearing in physiotherapy. I think I was in shock really, at first I was told 12 weeks no weight-bearing and I'd been to 3 reviews hoping for good news and leaving with nothing since coming out of hospital. And yet I wasn't even that happy...I don't know why I think it was just fear really. I didn't know what this meant would I be able to just get up and walk?
Luckily the same day I had psychotherapy and physiotherapy appointments as well. (Another full day spent at the QE) In psychotherapy I was told I probably have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I'll talk more about that in another post I think.
And in Physiotherapy I STOOD UP. I was scared. I was excited. I was sad. It was unbelievably hard and it hurt. But I did it, put my feet on the floor and was upright for the first time since I stood next to Joss's bike and climbed on behind him for the short trip home that ended in complete horror. My mom cried, Joss cried and had to leave the room, but here it is ....   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDmhIcdtjow   



On the 9th January I went to watch Loose Women Live... Yes I know very random! In December I checked my email for things from the solicitors and other less fun things and found one telling me I had two tickets to be in the audience of Loose Women. I had completely forgotten applying for tickets I think I did it while in hospital! So on the 9th January me and my mom got up very early for the long journey to London! Now as usual this was so hassle free trip it involved driving to Birmingham, waiting in an office for someone to escort us to the train to put out ramps, once in London we had to wait for the person to remember I was stuck on the train and come with the ramps to get us off. We couldn't get the tube because our stops didn't have wheelchair access, so we wandered around trying to find the right bus, regularly finding ourselves staring at steps and having to go a long way round! Eventually we made it to the studios and were allowed to skip the waiting outside thanks to the wheelchair (Its got to have some perks!). All of the seats were up steps so I had to 'park' by the camera men and women which was pretty cool. It was good it's weird seeing famous people or people 'from the telly' in real life. Sadly we didn't have any time to look around London as we had to make the long journey back but it was most certainly a good day out!

Disabled ramps for the train

     I think I've mentioned enough times in this blog that I had to have half of my long hair shaved off in this accident. Firstly the plait had to be cut off as it was trapped in the car, and then most of the rest of the right side of my scalp was shaved off due to my head injury. I've spent the last months wearing hats, head scarves and stuff to cover the area or disguise the fact that I have the most ridiculous hair I have ever seen now. Yes I could cut it all off but why should I? None of this was my fault, I've spent a long time growing my hair and really really struggle with the fact half of it has been taken away as well as so many other things because of HER actions. So my occupational therapy team asked her insurance to pay for me to have a wig. I might not wear it much and no I'm not completely bald but it gives me the option on days where I really can't cope with it to pretend I still at least have normal hair. What do you think?...

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

DEC '12 - Desperate for visitors, An African reunion and a difficult Christmas time...

   August 8th 2011 I flew to Morocco on my own. I was going to volunteer with street children, within orphanages and various other locations. When I got on that flight I was absolutely crapping myself, I thought what if no-ones there with a sign waiting for me or it's some sort of scam or I get kidnapped at the airport! You'll be pleased to know none of that happened (well my pick up man was an hour late but he got there!) and it was the most amazing time! Anyway back to December 2012, two girls I met while in Morocco visited and we had a mini reunion. It was weird thinking what had happened since I last saw them 16 months ago, I was working in mountains and trekking waterfalls with them and now I was sat in a wheelchair. In fact I flew home on August 22nd 2011 and on August 22nd 2012 I was in intensive care having just come out of a coma. It was lovely to see them though and get out of the house and have some company.

A very small selection of photo's from Morocco!   

   Speaking of visitors December is when I started to really wish I had more of them. When the crash happened obviously everyone who knows you is horrified and so worried, so you're inundated with people asking to see you and sending cards and what not. But 4 months on I felt I was seriously lacking in people wanting to see me. I'm sure everyone still cared but I think people just assume when you've left hospital you're ok. Although everyone knew I couldn't put any weight through my legs and I needed more operations and everything else, I don't think it's easy to understand what that really means. When I say I'm living in the front room, I can't leave the house alone I mean exactly that. I can't even get a drink or anything to eat or my tablets myself meaning my mom has had to be off work for 4 months now and as she is a midwife that isn't great. I'm in constant pain and emotionally finding it really hard. Saying that some people have been amazing and try to speak to me and visit whenever they can and Joss is literally here any time he isn't at work and I couldn't cope without him.

Joss (without a head) pushing me around Stratford for his sisters birthday

  Christmas was pretty hard this year. While everyone was out getting monumentally drunk I was sat in bed downstairs injecting my stomach (I've been on daily blood thinning injections since the crash). I had bed covers as my main present because I just didn't know what to ask for, I can't go out and do stuff, I don't wear clothes that I normally wear, my hair is half shaven I just didn't know who I was anymore really. We even had to have our Christmas tree and open our presents in the hallway because I'm living in the room we normally do it in and it's too full of all my equipment. My wheelchair had to be lifted over the step in and out of the conservatory to eat Christmas dinner with my family and visiting grandparents. On a happier note I was invited to Nuneaton in the evening with Joss's family to have a meal with his grandparents and aunties and uncles which got me out the house and was really nice. My best present was realizing how easily I could of not been here to see this Christmas and just spending time with both of our families. 

My downstairs bedroom made Christmassy with lights and a mini tree!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

NOV '12 - My 20th birthday, another bad review, compression garments and more surgery on the cards... (graphic photos!)

 So November was actually quite eventful and I am very thankful I kept a diary until I started this blog so I can back date everything so accurately!

 Joss now has another motorbike as it was written off in the crash. I feel very anxious about it, on one hand I don't want the driver of that car to stop me from getting back on a motorbike on the other it absolutely terrifies me to the core. He needs transport to get to work and has every right to continue riding especially as none of this was in any way his fault. But I am terrified that he will be injured or killed, if you get hit on a bike you have no exterior to protect you as I experienced. But for now he texts me whenever he leaves/arrives somewhere and it gives me some peace of mind.

In November quite a few things happened actually -

1. On the 3rd me and Joss took a trip to the Sealife center in Birmingham - The first and last time we went anywhere similar was the safari park on the day of the collision and I did feel strange about it. But we got there and back ok and luckily they had good wheelchair access there so we could enjoy it!
2. On the 7th I finally got the right size wheelchair! - In hospital I was given a wheelchair which was too wide for me and promised a smaller one, I was discharged with the large one but when I got home found it barely fit through our door frames. We rang up but they said they couldn't change it. This is when the fact it was someone else's fault is of benefit, because we have a legal claim going on I have an amazing lady who's job it is to make sure I have things I need and she ordered me a brand spanking new wheelchair that is my size and can still fit my special pelvic support cushion and here it is!  

MY wheelchair!

3. On the 5th (I realize I have gone backwards here oops!) my injuries caused another injury!.. - In the crash I dislocated my collar bone, when making a flipping pot noodle of all things it gave way and the freshly boiled kettle poured over my leg. The left, smashed up leg to be precise. It was excruciating. Imagine doing that and not being unable to jump up. If I hadn't of had this accident I would of gone straight to A&E but I thought I would be wasting their time and I'd had so much more serious burns. When I showed my scar therapist she took me straight down to the nurse clinic (It pays to have contacts haha) and they dressed them one part was actually second degree. You literally couldn't make this stuff up, nearly die in horrific accident - get discharged - shoulder injury gives way and causes more burns!

                                               This is actually the kettle burn 2 weeks after I did it...

4. On the 16th I had some of my scalp cut off with scissors... - So I was currently seeing the nurses once a week for dressing changes on my back (burn/skin grafts), leg (water burn) and head (scalped by road). Today went as usual until my mom decided to query why I still had a HUGE scab on my scalp injury nearly 3 months on. I have put a picture on but basically the bald patch you can see was scraped off down to my skull by being dragged along the road (my helmet was driven over and smashed). The nurse decided to pull the scab off and have a look. Then I had several nurses all mmm'ing and ahh'ing around my head, apparently there was a big lump under the scab and they needed to cut it off. YES cut it off with scissors while I sat there YES it felt exactly as you would think! Then they needed to burn the stalk down with silver nitrate sticks, I've had them used on my back but that burn went so deep I couldn't feel them doing it, this time I could and it REALLY hurt! MORE cream and more dressings!

My head before scab removal. The pink area was mostly open down to my skull in the crash and all the uneven short hair was cut by the paramedics and then shaved in theater.

5. The 22nd was my birthday and a trauma review - Neither went well, I went for my review had Xrays and then saw a doctor It didn't go so well, they still aren't very happy with my pelvis or leg growth and have only agreed to me starting 50% weightbearing on the right leg and still 100% not on the left (which basically means I still cant even stand up. Then my mom took me shopping but it was not enjoyable. I couldn't get around the shops easily in my chair, I couldn't buy clothes I used to like because I need them to be comfy and I'm extremely self conscious of how I look now. I wear a scarf on my head everyday to cover up the hair removal and wound/scar. I feel very ugly and nothing like myself. I had all of my piercings taken out, half of my long hair cut off, have gained weight since leaving hospital but my legs are empty from muscle wastage and I have a lot scars.

6. On the 24th I was fitted for my compression garment and went out with friends for my birthday -  I have to have a compression top to help with my burn and other scars. It is extremely tight and does up with a zip, it basically tries to flatten the scars as much as possible and it covers my shoulder scar (skin removed even through leather jacket by being dragged down road), both of my lung drain scars, my full thickness burn on my back (melted to the cars exhaust) and my hip (similar to shoulder but with added stictches!) it's not comfy but it has to be done! After that I went into Birmingham with Joss, his sister and her boyfriend at the time to see the German Christmas market which was really nice. Then we met a group of friends for a meal in the mail box in Birmingham to try and celebrate my birthday. First off we arrived to a gormless waiter 'you can get up a step can't you' YES THATS WHY I ASKED FOR A WHEELCHAIR ACCESS TABLE! So I had to be lifted up a step to our table which was extremely embarrassing and degrading. THEN when I asked about toilets I was told it was downstairs so had to be lifted back down the step and use a tiny staff lift   platform to go down and back up. It was frankly horrible.

7. On the 26th I saw my burns consultant - I'll keep this one short! My compression garments are being altered and then posted to me and it is now official that I am going to need another 4 or 5 operations on my burns including my back and head but that wont be until the skin has healed more to lower the infection risk.

                                                                             Here I am in my lovely compression garment!

So it was a busy month and not really in a good way! I hope that didn't bore you to death and the photos weren't too gross!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

OCT 2012 missing hospital - what the hell?! + How I shower etc with no downstairs bathroom...

  So I spent an agonizing 6 weeks in hospital desperate to get home only to get home and wish I was back there...
You're all probably thinking 'what the hell?' 'Is she crazy?' 'why would anyone want to be in hospital?!'. And it is extremely hard to explain but this blog is for me to keep an honest accurate account of this accident and my recovery and this is how I felt.
   Don't get me wrong before this I never sat at home thinking 'I really wish I could be in a horrible accident' and while I was in hospital I did not enjoy it. But I didn't really 'get' what being home would be like...I didn't come home to my bedroom I had to move into our front room. To get into the house I have to use ramps so I'm a prisoner in my own home unable to enter or leave alone. I cannot go upstairs at all. We have no downstairs bathroom, this means as a 19 year old female I have to have a commode chair in my fake bedroom which my mother has to empty. The ONLY reason I'm talking about every aspect of this horrific crash and it's results (even the most embarrassing and soul destroying) is because I think it's important for people to see how this driver's dangerous choices have ****** up my life. To shower I have to be taken to my parents friends house as they have a disabled access downstairs shower. This means I can only shower twice a week and involves packing two cars with me, my ramps, my wheelchair, my transfer board, commode chair (doubles as shower chair) and clothes, wash stuff and towels.   I have to be wheeled in up my ramps through their living room, mom puts the chair in the shower base puts my wheelchair next to it, I transfer with the board, she puts the towels ect. out and leaves. I shower as best I can and then text her to come and do my back dressing and reverse the procedure to go home. YES it's good that they can even offer me showers at their house but it's degrading and exhausting.

                                          Ramps to get in and out of my front door (can't use backdoor)

Anyway back to missing hospital. In the middle of October I had my first of many 'trauma reviews', these involved me going to the QE to have xrays and a meeting with my trauma/orthopedic/bones consultant. From  day 1 I have been completely strictly NO weight bearing this means I cannot put ANY weight through EITHER of my legs and must use a wheelchair and transfer boards. I was not even allowed to be rolled onto my right side because I had a big fracture in my hip socket. At this review I spent hours waiting for xray and then a meeting with one of 'Mrs bones consultants' registrars (doctors). Just to receive BAD news...still NO weight bearing at all. I have about 7 breaks in my pelvis and hip socket, and my left thigh was so badly snapped they had to remove a section before plating it and it had not began to grown back and the pelvic fractures had not begun to heal.

It was the last straw really. I felt SO depressed - why had this happened? why me? why didn't the grafts work? why did I have to use a fake toilet when the person who did this to me was fine? I missed hospital, at least in hospital I could use a toilet now I could transfer. I really bonded with some nurses which is a weird thing because you spend so much time with them and then just leave. And you know what people care more when you're in hospital, I had been inundated with cards and flowers (which sadly died before I got home!) and now I needed visitors more than ever now I was living in my own version of hell no-one really came round.

A few more positive things from my time in hospital...

  So I looked through all my posts detailing my time in hospital and while trying to get all the horrible details in I missed the 'good' times where little things lifted my spirits so here's a little list!

• Joss (my boyfriend and the rider of the bike) visited me EVERY single day without fail. He walked to the train station in our town caught the 25/30 minute train to Birmingham and walked to hospital everyday and then back again. 
• My mom was allowed to come in at 10am every morning due to my age and the nature of it all so she did. Got up early every day drove 40 minutes to hospital and sat with me until 2 when Joss usually came, drove 40 minutes back home and a lot of days the came back for evening visiting! She helped me with going to the toilet and even sat there while I slept.
• As soon as I was able to get into a wheelchair Joss was thrilled and took me off my ward any day I was feeling up to it. Pushing me round, bag of wee on one side of the chair, box sucking gunk out of my back on the back of the chair all with his arm in a sling! Which meant I could go outside and get some air for a while.
• Joss's parent's, My step-dad, younger brother, and older brother and his wife as well as  friends - Pete, Sian, Rhianna, Beckie, Ryan, Charlotte and Naomi also came to visit me once, twice or a few times. (Hope I havn't missed anyone out!)
• The food was absolutley RANK and I lost so much weight from the trauma and trying to fight infections my mom used to sneak my dinners back out onto the trolley and bring me toast in the mornings and mcdonalds on good evenings. She even went to the shop and brough baguette, cheese, butter and a bottle of salad cream when I was craving a real sandwich!
• Joss brought me pizza wrapped in tin foil and even surprised me with a subway one of the days!
• I also discovered Branston pickle with sticks of cheese in the hospital WHsmith which is one good thing to come from this!

All of these things made an otherwise horrific, scary and painful hospital stay more bearable!