NOV '12 - My 20th birthday, another bad review, compression garments and more surgery on the cards... (graphic photos!)

 So November was actually quite eventful and I am very thankful I kept a diary until I started this blog so I can back date everything so accurately!

 Joss now has another motorbike as it was written off in the crash. I feel very anxious about it, on one hand I don't want the driver of that car to stop me from getting back on a motorbike on the other it absolutely terrifies me to the core. He needs transport to get to work and has every right to continue riding especially as none of this was in any way his fault. But I am terrified that he will be injured or killed, if you get hit on a bike you have no exterior to protect you as I experienced. But for now he texts me whenever he leaves/arrives somewhere and it gives me some peace of mind.

In November quite a few things happened actually -

1. On the 3rd me and Joss took a trip to the Sealife center in Birmingham - The first and last time we went anywhere similar was the safari park on the day of the collision and I did feel strange about it. But we got there and back ok and luckily they had good wheelchair access there so we could enjoy it!
2. On the 7th I finally got the right size wheelchair! - In hospital I was given a wheelchair which was too wide for me and promised a smaller one, I was discharged with the large one but when I got home found it barely fit through our door frames. We rang up but they said they couldn't change it. This is when the fact it was someone else's fault is of benefit, because we have a legal claim going on I have an amazing lady who's job it is to make sure I have things I need and she ordered me a brand spanking new wheelchair that is my size and can still fit my special pelvic support cushion and here it is!  

MY wheelchair!

3. On the 5th (I realize I have gone backwards here oops!) my injuries caused another injury!.. - In the crash I dislocated my collar bone, when making a flipping pot noodle of all things it gave way and the freshly boiled kettle poured over my leg. The left, smashed up leg to be precise. It was excruciating. Imagine doing that and not being unable to jump up. If I hadn't of had this accident I would of gone straight to A&E but I thought I would be wasting their time and I'd had so much more serious burns. When I showed my scar therapist she took me straight down to the nurse clinic (It pays to have contacts haha) and they dressed them one part was actually second degree. You literally couldn't make this stuff up, nearly die in horrific accident - get discharged - shoulder injury gives way and causes more burns!

                                               This is actually the kettle burn 2 weeks after I did it...

4. On the 16th I had some of my scalp cut off with scissors... - So I was currently seeing the nurses once a week for dressing changes on my back (burn/skin grafts), leg (water burn) and head (scalped by road). Today went as usual until my mom decided to query why I still had a HUGE scab on my scalp injury nearly 3 months on. I have put a picture on but basically the bald patch you can see was scraped off down to my skull by being dragged along the road (my helmet was driven over and smashed). The nurse decided to pull the scab off and have a look. Then I had several nurses all mmm'ing and ahh'ing around my head, apparently there was a big lump under the scab and they needed to cut it off. YES cut it off with scissors while I sat there YES it felt exactly as you would think! Then they needed to burn the stalk down with silver nitrate sticks, I've had them used on my back but that burn went so deep I couldn't feel them doing it, this time I could and it REALLY hurt! MORE cream and more dressings!

My head before scab removal. The pink area was mostly open down to my skull in the crash and all the uneven short hair was cut by the paramedics and then shaved in theater.

5. The 22nd was my birthday and a trauma review - Neither went well, I went for my review had Xrays and then saw a doctor It didn't go so well, they still aren't very happy with my pelvis or leg growth and have only agreed to me starting 50% weightbearing on the right leg and still 100% not on the left (which basically means I still cant even stand up. Then my mom took me shopping but it was not enjoyable. I couldn't get around the shops easily in my chair, I couldn't buy clothes I used to like because I need them to be comfy and I'm extremely self conscious of how I look now. I wear a scarf on my head everyday to cover up the hair removal and wound/scar. I feel very ugly and nothing like myself. I had all of my piercings taken out, half of my long hair cut off, have gained weight since leaving hospital but my legs are empty from muscle wastage and I have a lot scars.

6. On the 24th I was fitted for my compression garment and went out with friends for my birthday -  I have to have a compression top to help with my burn and other scars. It is extremely tight and does up with a zip, it basically tries to flatten the scars as much as possible and it covers my shoulder scar (skin removed even through leather jacket by being dragged down road), both of my lung drain scars, my full thickness burn on my back (melted to the cars exhaust) and my hip (similar to shoulder but with added stictches!) it's not comfy but it has to be done! After that I went into Birmingham with Joss, his sister and her boyfriend at the time to see the German Christmas market which was really nice. Then we met a group of friends for a meal in the mail box in Birmingham to try and celebrate my birthday. First off we arrived to a gormless waiter 'you can get up a step can't you' YES THATS WHY I ASKED FOR A WHEELCHAIR ACCESS TABLE! So I had to be lifted up a step to our table which was extremely embarrassing and degrading. THEN when I asked about toilets I was told it was downstairs so had to be lifted back down the step and use a tiny staff lift   platform to go down and back up. It was frankly horrible.

7. On the 26th I saw my burns consultant - I'll keep this one short! My compression garments are being altered and then posted to me and it is now official that I am going to need another 4 or 5 operations on my burns including my back and head but that wont be until the skin has healed more to lower the infection risk.

                                                                             Here I am in my lovely compression garment!

So it was a busy month and not really in a good way! I hope that didn't bore you to death and the photos weren't too gross!

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

Monday 24th September - Graft review...

   Monday 24th September 2012 I woke up nervous! I was having my second skin graft reviewed today. The first one as I explained here, was traumatic first I was told it had taken then I was told it had completely failed, was massively infected and I needed another one as soon as the infection was gone. My burns consultant came to see me the day before and told me that if it had failed again I might be able to go home for a few days but then come back for another graft.
   Even though I had gone through ALL of this and one failed graft I still thought 'It wont be failed again, it wont happen to me'. I was given lots of morphine and sat up and my Vac dressing taken off, the curtain around my bed was shut and I had to wait for my consultant. My mom was texting me trying to find out what was happening, this was a BIG event. The outcome of this affected my future scarring, whether I could leave hospital, Operations...
   Eventually Mr V arrived with a bundle of medical students and junior doctors. A nurse came in to hold my hand while he looked at my back. It was silent for about a minute and then I heard him say 'where is the graft?..' I felt sick, completely devastated. After some discussion between themselves he asked them all to leave so he could speak to me privately. (something I really value in this consultant) He looked sad, he specifically chose to take over my care and knew what I'd been through and how much I wanted to go home. He explained that it had almost all failed again, I asked about having another but after a chat with my nurses and their colleagues they decided I had to stay in a few more days but we'd treat the burn with dressings soaked in beta-dine again and try and avoid another graft. I was happy because I wanted to go home and couldn't face another gruelling skin graft operation but it meant my scarring would be worse. It also meant that again my body had failed to accept its own skin, it may be silly but that in itself is hard to accept.
   Now I had to have the dreaded staples out again, I was going to attach a photo of a similar graft but thought you may prefer just the staple instruments for less gore!

I wont ramble on about how much having the staples out hurts again but Just think - big full thickness burn, open wound, actual staples being pulled out...The only benefit to having such a severe burn is that it has burnt through everything including nerves so I could only feel the ones around the edge being taken out not the ones imbedded in the burn!
DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

 

Thursday 20th September - Moved to a shared room...

     The day after my second skin graft Joss and my mom were in the room with me when the sister came in and told me they had to move me to a shared room. They packed my things, unplugged my bed and wheeled me up the corridor and into this big empty room. I was crying because every change was so frightening to me. I had been in my own room for 5 weeks since leaving the intensive care unit and I liked it that way. Not because I was loving that I got a private room, but it was an ordeal every time I had to use the bathroom - the toilet in this room was on the opposite side of the room next to the other bed which was currently empty. I liked that in my own room I could just lie with the tv on and pretend none of this was real, I couldn't even use my laptop on this ward and I was worried about having to make conversation with whoever shared the room. I'm not the kind of person who can just shut the bed curtain and ignore someone but I was too weak to talk lots. The one plus of this room was there were a few high up small windows! An ounce of natural light!
   From this day I had a new person in my room everyday and quite frankly it was horrible. I will give you an outline of the 'one-nighters' without giving any info about them just in case! They were all women as you can't mix sexes in the 2 bed bays.
Night 1 - Burnt hands from sticking them in a bonfire. Snored so loud the nurse was actually distressed that I would be unable to sleep. Discharged next morning.
Night 2 - Planned operation. TV unbearably loud all night. Discharged next morning.
Night 3 - Thrown aerosol on fire 'sunburnt' face. Discharged next morning.
Night 4 - NO-ONE!
Night 5 - Tea spilt in lap. Dramatic antics. Discharged next morning.
Night 6 - Lovely old lady who had falleed until I left.n down the stairs (only available bed). Stayed until I left

    I hate to seem un-caring but it was very very hard to have sympathy for the majority of these. They kicked up more fuss than I had the whole time about very minor injuries and moaned like they were being kept in a prison. I also had a few thoughtless comments about a singed fringe when I was lying there with half a shaved scalp.
   But they weren't to know that I wasn't in the same vote as them (minus the obvious wheelchair and wires) and I'm glad that I was a rare incident. It's a good thing the nurses were shocked at how long I'd been in hospital and when they read my notes because it means that it's not common to be hit, run over and dragged down a road and it's not common to receive such a multitude of injuries. I hate that all this happened to me but I'm genuinley glad that it doesn't happen to many people because it's horrific.
DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

Tuesday 18th/Wednesday 19th September - Skin graft 2...

    On Tuesday 18th my 3rd day on the burns unit, I was woken up at 5am to have my water taken off me and be told I was going to theater that day for my second skin graft. When you're having surgery you get a 'Nil by mouth' sign on your door, literally meaning 'the patient cannot drink or eat anything'. So I was given my tablets with the tiniest sip of water after my obs and told I was second on the list for my operation. I was terrified of going 'under', less so than the first graft as I explained in the earlier post but after pulling myself out of a coma the thought of being put to sleep frightens me to death. My mom arrived at 10am (on the dot every day!) but at about 2pm my burns consultant (Mr VN) came into my room in his scrubs. His first operation had taken longer than he thought and he couldn't perform my graft today. I was gasping for a drink and gutted. I was so desperate to go home that when he said I could either wait for him to do it Friday or have his colleague do it tomorrow I opted or his colleague. I regret that slightly now.
   Wednesday 19th exactly a month to the day of the accident I had my second graft. I was taken down before my mom arrived and I was very anxious. I was less vulnerable than the first time, as in I could sit myself up and before I didn't even know where I was but I was very scared. I was scared about where they were going to take the donor skin from because that creates a scar in itself, I was scared about waking up, I was scared and so sad that I was even having to do this. My favorite health care assistant came down with me and I woke up a few hours later in the recovery room. After the first one I was so vulnerable and weak I used the bit of energy I had to thank the nurse for looking after me while I woke up but this time I felt more ok. I tried to feel a bandage and dressing to find where the skin had come from but I couldn't move my arms. When I got taken back to my room my mom came and sat with me.
I hate that the first operation I had they didn't wake me up, I remained in the coma and was wheeled back to my space in ITU still on life support.It frightens me and makes me feel weak, is any of this really happening?

Sunday 16th September - Moved to the Burns Unit...

  I had now been in hospital for exactly 4 weeks, most of which I had spent on the military trauma ward. I didn't want to be there but I had subconsciously become VERY attached to the ward namely the nurses. After my back was confirmed failed and infected it became clear that I needed to be moved to the hospitals burns unit for more specialist care. I needed to go but I didn't want to. When I left intensive care I was put in the Military trauma and orthopedics ward because I was a 'Poly-trauma' and had received SO many life threatening injuries - internal, external, structural...I had about 20 injuries.
  Anyway on Sunday the 16th September My mom had gone home and my step brother and his wife were visiting before my boyfriend Joss (rider of the bike) came in the evening. Half way through visiting my nurse for that day came in and told me they had a bed free on the burns unit so I was going down. I acted calm and OK because I didn't want to stress my brother out as they had to leave soon anyway. Inside I was freaking out though, I didn't want to leave my nurses that had become like a cross between medics and friends. I had LIVED in that room for almost 4 weeks, it was where I went when I was taken from the intensive care unit - a vulnerable, battered body that could barely speak.
  My nurse (the male one I mentioned last post) insisted on coming down with me to settle me in instead of just being taken by a porter. He stuck his head in before we went and said 'Im really going to miss you' and I could of cried it was such a strange emotion like I was leaving my family almost. He packed all my stuff up and I was taken to the unit on my bed so that I could keep the same bed. He took my wheelchair, transfer board and even the commode chair so I could have the same things.
  The burns unit is a unit not a ward. My room was still a private room and was in the high dependency area. It had no windows. The Burns unit is in the most appropriate place in the hospital in terms of critical care and theater proximity but this means there is no natural daylight. My room on 412 had a whole wall of glass, I could only see car park or road and I was so high up but it is invaluable. I even slept with my curtains open, you can't know claustrophobia until something like being completely trapped DYING underneath a car happens to you. So my room had NO windows it was literally a concrete box, the unit was a square with the nurses station/desk in the center like an island so even if my door was open I could just see a desk and more room doors. Upstairs I had my laptop so I could watch iplayer or look at facebook but here there was absolutely no signal even my phone could barely text. I was the only patient on the unit in a wheelchair with numerous broken bones as well as burns and wounds so I couldn't go off the unit unless it was visiting and I was able to get into my chair. I'll also point out that the toilet in my room which had the disabled sign on it was the size of a wardrobe so my wheelchair didn't fit and I had to remain buzzing to be put onto he commode and wheeled into the toilet and vise versa. It wasn't a bad place at all and you didn't have to pay for the telly (most wards like my other were about £20 for 3 days and I was in a LONG TIME) as there was no internet signal and the telly's weren't very reliable. That night was very hard, Joss left me his hoodie and as soppy as that sounds I really needed it. I was very lonely, my nurses were lovely but I didn't know them yet and they were reading my notes whereas upstairs had had me from ITU. I couldn't see anything but walls and I was so frightened they wouldn't let my mom in the next morning as she had special allowances on the trauma ward as I was so young and had so many injuries.
DRIVE SAFE, George x

First glimpse of the burn...(fairly graphic description)

     The last post and this one do not have dates in the title as they either span a period of time or I can't remember the exact day.
    The week they were desperatley trying to clear the infection from the failed skin graft on my back was about 3 weeks after the crash. But I still hadn't really seen the extent of any of my external injuries and they were dressed or in places I couldn't see. I couldn't even turn my head enough to see my shoulder when they changed the dressings and obviously not my scalp, so I had NO idea what the situation with my back was really. Infact it hadn't even occured to me that they would all obviously become scars I would have forever.
    As I explained last post, the daily infection routine involved being put in the wet room and my burn undressed and washed. On this particular day my nurse left the room after washing the burn to find some more dressing packs. The water turned off and I felt instantly cold so I reached for the shower 'on' button. The shower was turned on and off by this large silver 'button' type thing. (I happened to find a picture of a bathroom on ward 412 which I was on...below)

     As I put my arm forward I caught a glimpse of my side in the silver. I thought it was someone else and looked behind me, obviously there was no-one there. The burn is from my left side on my waist/hip and follows round my back to my spine, it is rectangular as it was caused by my back becomming stuck and melted to the drivers exhaust. The only way I could describe it was 'zombie bite'. It wasn't just red, it was green, yellow, white, black, bubbled, mangled and oozing. It looked like it had been chewed . The burn was full thickness and so went through every layer which meant it also 'scooped' in like something really had just bitten a massive chunk out of me.
   I felt shocked, horrified, scared, alone, ugly and mostly like none of this was really happening.