Major catchup!...

I always sit down to update this blog and then end up not writing anything so now I have loads of things to write about! 
I'm going to try and keep each thing short and sweet and rambling to a minimum..

On the 5th December (was that really almost 4 months ago?!) I jetted off to Budapest with Joss and two close friends for another 21st birthday celebration, I mean if you can't go clubbing you have to have two trips right? It was a fantastic few days but I did struggle with the wheelchair a little and had some low times thinking about how different my 21st should of been. Although the hostel was pretty wheelchair friendly and I managed to get to the bathroom there with my crutches or sticks. All in all it was great to get away with some of my biggest supports and best friends.

The trusty chair in it's 3rd country!

 

On the 23rd December I moved back up to my old upstairs bedroom after 16 months sleeping in the bedroom my parents had to make for me in our front room, in order for me to come home from hospital. I started off in that room barely able to transfer from my wheelchair into my bed with a board and with a commode in there, but it was still hard moving back upstairs. After I first went back into my room I decided to have it painted a different colour to make it easier but it still didn't feel like 'my room'. I think it's because I feel so different from the 'old' me now and I probably subconsciously thought everything would be back to normal when I went back. I'm slowly accepting I won't be exactly the same ever again, no part of my life will be the same but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. 

On Christmas eve I had an appointment with my burns and plastics consultant to review my scalp surgery (read about that here), at the review it was decided that I will have the surgery repeated to improve the size further and hopefully that will help with the pain and pulling of the hair around it. I also had some painful steroid injections into part of my shoulder scars that are hypertrophic in the hope it will break down some of the tissue and help with the pain. Most of my scars are hypertrophic..

''A hypertrophic scar is a cutaneous condition characterized by deposits of excessive amounts of collagen which gives rise to a raised scar, but not to the degree observed with keloids.^[1] Like keloids, they form most often at the sites of pimples, body piercings, cuts and burns. They often contain nerves and blood vessels. They generally develop after thermal or traumatic injury that involves the deep layers of the dermis and express high levels of TGF-β.
When a normal wound heals, the body produces new collagen fibers at a rate which balances the breakdown of old collagen. Hypertrophic scars are red and thick and may be itchy or painful. They do not extend beyond the boundary of the original wound, but may continue to thicken for up to six months. They usually improve over the one or two years, but may cause distress due to their appearance or the intensity of the itching; they can also restrict movement if they are located close to a joint.
Some people have an inherited tendency to this type of scarring'' wikipedia

The 3rd January was both the one year anniversary of me standing up and my first driving lesson since before the crash. I may need to have an automatic but I am determined to learn and pass in a manual if possible because I feel it is an advantage to be able to drive a manual if needs be. Having a car would be so helpful to me as I can't walk anywhere but could get out more independently if I could drive to my destination. It's definitely very emotionally hard being in a car and I am filled with panic but I'm focusing in how much it would aid my recovery.

The 8th January was my five year anniversary with Joss! I intend to do a full post at some point about everything he has done for me but we'll save that for a really soppy day! 

For the 16th and 17th January I was in London with mom to see a ballet as her 50th birthday present from me! I used my wheelchair for 90% of the trip but was able to use sticks to get on and off escalators without which we wouldn't have been able to use the tube at all. My barely 5ft tall mom had to carry my wheelchair while I clung on to the escalators and you would be shocked at how few people offered to help! Just being able to do that though is massive progress for me. The ballet was called La Corsaire and was a sort of pirate love story, I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected to be honest and the skill of the dancers is just amazing.

 

Last but certainly not least Joss had an operation on his shoulder! His first operation date was cancelled pretty much just before the anesthetist came to see him! And he ended up having it three weeks later on the 17th February (his 22nd birthday). He dislocated his collar bone in the crash which was treated with a sling and left but as it was causing him pain again 18 months on they basically pushed it back down and secured it into place with an artificial ligament. It was very painful and he wasn't allowed to drive for 5 weeks which was hard on both of us as I can't walk anywhere we were pretty stuck, but he's doing really well now and is back driving phew!

 

Now I hope this post wasn't too boring as I was trying to cram in too many things but I really am going to try and update this more often as i find it really helpful even just to myself. 

Thank you to everyone that ever reads this blog and to all the people who give me feedback on it. It gives me a place to express myself, see my progress and hopefully help any other people in the mean time. I absolutely love hearing from people and would love some comments if anyone has any :)

DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

Monday 24th September - Graft review...

   Monday 24th September 2012 I woke up nervous! I was having my second skin graft reviewed today. The first one as I explained here, was traumatic first I was told it had taken then I was told it had completely failed, was massively infected and I needed another one as soon as the infection was gone. My burns consultant came to see me the day before and told me that if it had failed again I might be able to go home for a few days but then come back for another graft.
   Even though I had gone through ALL of this and one failed graft I still thought 'It wont be failed again, it wont happen to me'. I was given lots of morphine and sat up and my Vac dressing taken off, the curtain around my bed was shut and I had to wait for my consultant. My mom was texting me trying to find out what was happening, this was a BIG event. The outcome of this affected my future scarring, whether I could leave hospital, Operations...
   Eventually Mr V arrived with a bundle of medical students and junior doctors. A nurse came in to hold my hand while he looked at my back. It was silent for about a minute and then I heard him say 'where is the graft?..' I felt sick, completely devastated. After some discussion between themselves he asked them all to leave so he could speak to me privately. (something I really value in this consultant) He looked sad, he specifically chose to take over my care and knew what I'd been through and how much I wanted to go home. He explained that it had almost all failed again, I asked about having another but after a chat with my nurses and their colleagues they decided I had to stay in a few more days but we'd treat the burn with dressings soaked in beta-dine again and try and avoid another graft. I was happy because I wanted to go home and couldn't face another gruelling skin graft operation but it meant my scarring would be worse. It also meant that again my body had failed to accept its own skin, it may be silly but that in itself is hard to accept.
   Now I had to have the dreaded staples out again, I was going to attach a photo of a similar graft but thought you may prefer just the staple instruments for less gore!

I wont ramble on about how much having the staples out hurts again but Just think - big full thickness burn, open wound, actual staples being pulled out...The only benefit to having such a severe burn is that it has burnt through everything including nerves so I could only feel the ones around the edge being taken out not the ones imbedded in the burn!
DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

 

Thursday 20th September - Moved to a shared room...

     The day after my second skin graft Joss and my mom were in the room with me when the sister came in and told me they had to move me to a shared room. They packed my things, unplugged my bed and wheeled me up the corridor and into this big empty room. I was crying because every change was so frightening to me. I had been in my own room for 5 weeks since leaving the intensive care unit and I liked it that way. Not because I was loving that I got a private room, but it was an ordeal every time I had to use the bathroom - the toilet in this room was on the opposite side of the room next to the other bed which was currently empty. I liked that in my own room I could just lie with the tv on and pretend none of this was real, I couldn't even use my laptop on this ward and I was worried about having to make conversation with whoever shared the room. I'm not the kind of person who can just shut the bed curtain and ignore someone but I was too weak to talk lots. The one plus of this room was there were a few high up small windows! An ounce of natural light!
   From this day I had a new person in my room everyday and quite frankly it was horrible. I will give you an outline of the 'one-nighters' without giving any info about them just in case! They were all women as you can't mix sexes in the 2 bed bays.
Night 1 - Burnt hands from sticking them in a bonfire. Snored so loud the nurse was actually distressed that I would be unable to sleep. Discharged next morning.
Night 2 - Planned operation. TV unbearably loud all night. Discharged next morning.
Night 3 - Thrown aerosol on fire 'sunburnt' face. Discharged next morning.
Night 4 - NO-ONE!
Night 5 - Tea spilt in lap. Dramatic antics. Discharged next morning.
Night 6 - Lovely old lady who had falleed until I left.n down the stairs (only available bed). Stayed until I left

    I hate to seem un-caring but it was very very hard to have sympathy for the majority of these. They kicked up more fuss than I had the whole time about very minor injuries and moaned like they were being kept in a prison. I also had a few thoughtless comments about a singed fringe when I was lying there with half a shaved scalp.
   But they weren't to know that I wasn't in the same vote as them (minus the obvious wheelchair and wires) and I'm glad that I was a rare incident. It's a good thing the nurses were shocked at how long I'd been in hospital and when they read my notes because it means that it's not common to be hit, run over and dragged down a road and it's not common to receive such a multitude of injuries. I hate that all this happened to me but I'm genuinley glad that it doesn't happen to many people because it's horrific.
DRIVE SAFE, George xxx

Tuesday 18th/Wednesday 19th September - Skin graft 2...

    On Tuesday 18th my 3rd day on the burns unit, I was woken up at 5am to have my water taken off me and be told I was going to theater that day for my second skin graft. When you're having surgery you get a 'Nil by mouth' sign on your door, literally meaning 'the patient cannot drink or eat anything'. So I was given my tablets with the tiniest sip of water after my obs and told I was second on the list for my operation. I was terrified of going 'under', less so than the first graft as I explained in the earlier post but after pulling myself out of a coma the thought of being put to sleep frightens me to death. My mom arrived at 10am (on the dot every day!) but at about 2pm my burns consultant (Mr VN) came into my room in his scrubs. His first operation had taken longer than he thought and he couldn't perform my graft today. I was gasping for a drink and gutted. I was so desperate to go home that when he said I could either wait for him to do it Friday or have his colleague do it tomorrow I opted or his colleague. I regret that slightly now.
   Wednesday 19th exactly a month to the day of the accident I had my second graft. I was taken down before my mom arrived and I was very anxious. I was less vulnerable than the first time, as in I could sit myself up and before I didn't even know where I was but I was very scared. I was scared about where they were going to take the donor skin from because that creates a scar in itself, I was scared about waking up, I was scared and so sad that I was even having to do this. My favorite health care assistant came down with me and I woke up a few hours later in the recovery room. After the first one I was so vulnerable and weak I used the bit of energy I had to thank the nurse for looking after me while I woke up but this time I felt more ok. I tried to feel a bandage and dressing to find where the skin had come from but I couldn't move my arms. When I got taken back to my room my mom came and sat with me.
I hate that the first operation I had they didn't wake me up, I remained in the coma and was wheeled back to my space in ITU still on life support.It frightens me and makes me feel weak, is any of this really happening?